There are two things that become pretty popular with certain types of expecting parents as their due date approaches. One thing they do is act like their fetus has already landed and say “it’s Baby Nilbog’s first Independence Day!” even thought the kid is still trapped inside his watery tomb. Sorry, womb. I am not that kind of person. If I were, I might be pissed off that my son’s first baseball game was at Yankee Stadium earlier today. But since he wasn’t actually there, I don’t have to say that.
The other thing certain insufferable types of expecting parents do is start marking every checkpoint, holiday, event of any kind as “the last one we’ll ever have without a kid around,” i.e. “the last Christmas ever without Baby Jojo” or “the last beer pong tournament without a kid to get home to,” etc. I am not that kind of person either, but if I were, I might say that today is the last 4th of July I’ll ever experience without being a father. But I’m not that kind of person, nor do I give a shit about the 4th. Continue reading
Happy 4th of July weekend.
Here’s an amazing montage of foul-mouthed insults from the movies, featuring some real gems from some great flicks. I’m not exactly going to encourage my kid to say this stuff, but I hope it doesn’t take him too long to figure out the joys of swearing, because it will be a lot more hilarious to hear this stuff come out of his purty mouth when he’s just a little guy.
Well, hilarious for me. Not so much for my wife or his grandparents or anyone else in the vicinity who doesn’t have a soft spot for the “c-word.”
Great to see Road House represented with one of the most ridiculous – and awesome – insults ever.
Have a great holiday weekend!
And here I am, worried about dropping my kid when this specimen clearly illustrates that there are far worse problems with which to contend.
Or maybe HE was dropped on HIS head….
Baby Rule: No Gwar.
Baby Rule: No Jerry Springer.
Baby Rule: No believing in things without my permission.
Baby Rule: No whatever-that-hairdo-is-called.
On the bright side, at least he’s not into Insane Clown Posse.
So yesterday I listed all the stuff I need to learn about babies so I don’t inadvertently flush my heir down the toilet or something. And, as I said, the depth of my ignorance is terrifying. But once you get past all the ways in which I could easily kill or cripple my own child, there’s a bunch of stuff that will probably be pretty fun.
So I’ve made another list. Check it out, after the jump.