Taking Kids to the Movies Sucks

Taking Kids to the Movies Sucks

I used to go to 100-plus movies a year. Then I became a parent.

Last week, I saw a movie in the theater for the first time in a while. An adult movie. (Well, it was a superhero movie, so “adult” may be a stretch. But it’s not exactly for five-year-olds either. A guy gets shot in the head, point-blank. I think my kid can wait a few years to see that.) It’s a rare occurrence these days.

I’m just not going to spend 100 bucks on a babysitter so I can go sit in a dark room and not talk to my wife. If I’m spending 100 bucks on a babysitter, I’m gonna go sit in a candlelit room and silently stare at my wife while we guzzle overpriced booze. So the only time I see movies is when I take my kid, and that’s not the same.

Because taking kids to the movies sucks.

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All Parents are Hypocrites

All Parents are Hypocrites

Parenting turns us all into hypocrites.

Throughout our lives, we all encounter situations in which it behooves us to disavow any and all association with certain… unsavory behaviors from our pasts. Like during a job interview, or upon meeting your girlfriend’s parents, or at church.

But those instances are short-lived, and you can go right back to being a rock star when they’re over. Unless you have kids.

Because parenting never ends.

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Pregnancy Perks for Guys

Pregnancy Perks for Guys

Men may not get to take part in the miracle of childbirth, but don’t feel bad, guys. There are some pregnancy perks for you too!

We’re a few months into life with two kids, and it’s pretty much going according to plan. Basically, we’re exhausted. But we have a cute little baby around who occasionally eases the pain. In fact, despite the exhaustion and the stress and the problematic logistics that come with adjusting to life with a newborn, Mom and Buried is thrilled to no longer be pregnant. She didn’t love round two.

I’m glad she’s feeling better. But I actually kind of miss it. Especially since we now have two kids and from where I stand that’s a hell of a lot harder than one and a half.

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Heart Murmuring

Heart Murmuring

I’m lucky.

Heart disease isn’t a big trend in my family. Sure, there’s some, my grandfather had some heart issues that contributed to his failing health, and my other grandfather died from a heart attack before I was old enough to remember meeting him.

Aaand now I’m reconsidering my luck. Especially since my doctor recently told me that my triglycerides were a little high – which apparently is not a good thing, because when I tried to fist-bump him he got mad.

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