A Pledge to Parents of Only Children

A Pledge to Parents of Only Children

I’ve been a parent to an only child (single-child parent?) for five years now.

When I envisioned having kids, back in my salad days of youth and freedom, I always saw myself having at least two. I have siblings, and despite the occasional incident (like when one brother accidentally tore my hair up with an electric shoe shiner, or another brother accidentally almost cost me a finger with a pair of scissors), I enjoy having siblings. Ergo, I wanted my kids to have siblings. Case closed.

But life got in the way, circumstances demanded compromise, and for a while it seemed like Detective Munch would be it for us. As you probably know already, the times, they are a-changing.

This is my pledge not to change with them.

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You’re a Good Parent

You’re a Good Parent

I don’t know you. And I don’t know your kids.

I have no idea what they’re like, how they act in public, at restaurants, in movie theaters. I don’t know if they have good manners, if they curse, if they listen to you more than they don’t, if they eat their dinners without argument and clean their rooms when asked.

I’ve never met you and probably never will. I couldn’t pick you out in a lineup. (I hope you’re not in any line-ups.) I don’t know if you’re quick to yell, or if you’re lazy, or if you’re neglectful.

But that doesn’t matter. I know you’re a good parent.

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Bury Your Parenting Secrets

Bury Your Parenting Secrets

As I suggested last week, every parent has secrets. Unfortunately, not every parent has a secret identity, or a blog via which they can express their innermost feelings under sarcastic cover (I swear!) like I do. There’s nowhere parents can go to escape the wrath of their spouse and children and the authorities.

Until now. I have created a “Buried Secrets” forum, this well of souls, where any parent who feels the need to can get something off their chest without fear of judgment (you know how we feel about that) or embarrassment or the NSA.

Now you can bury your parenting secrets with me, guilt-free!

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Judgment Nay

Judgment Nay

Recently, I read a great post on Baltimore Magazine’s “Learning to Crawl” parenting blog. It was essentially a confession from a fellow father that he is a terrible parent.

The post is largely facetious, but only because it was written by a man who has been a parent for five years now. Had it been written prior to his son’s birth, I imagine it would have been a lot more serious. Because before he’d actually had the kid, the guy didn’t know what he was talking about.

His piece is really about the futility of parenting decisions that are made in a vacuum, and I agree with a lot of what he says. Kids aren’t lab rats; in fact, it doesn’t take long for us new parents to realize that we’re the lab rats. We’re the ones being tested. And, as the post enumerates, we’re the ones that are constantly failing.

At least according to all the self-appointed parenting judges out there.

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Parenting is Not a Competition

Parenting is Not a Competition

Parenting is not a competition. But that doesn’t stop some parents from treating it like one.

Last week I wrote a post about the self-loathing I felt upon stating my son’s age in months. The first comment I received was a joke about how I should get my son checked out because he’s not yet walking on his own.

At least I hope it was a joke.

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