Coal Miner’s Father

Coal Miner’s Father

It’s a fool’s errand to try to predict your kid’s future when he’s still in kindergarten, but that doesn’t stop parents from losing their minds over particular talents they spot in their children.

Detective Munch is not even six. Neither he nor I has any idea what he’s going to be into down the line, but so far his favorite subject at school seems to be science, and, besides being a pain in the ass, his greatest talent seems to be in getting dirty.

Luckily, I may have found a job for him that combines both of those things!

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We Are All Zookeepers

We Are All Zookeepers

You love animals, right?

Of course you do, because who doesn’t love animals? (Mom and Buried!) Of course, there’s a difference between loving animals and devoting your life to them, and I wish someone had told me that before I became a parent, because what are young children but animals without fur?

That’s why I relate to this month’s 1 in 100 Million video. Being a parent and being a zookeeper aren’t all that different.

But don’t take my word for it.

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Brand Awareness

Brand Awareness

If you follow my social accounts (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram), you may remember a photo shoot my son and I did with Dove Men+ Care back in February. We had a lot of fun that day, and despite the fact that in one of the photos I’m pretending to play a guitar that I wouldn’t be able to play even if it were actually plugged in, I’m not even being sarcastic!

How could I be, when Detective Munch looked so amazing in the resulting photos? We’re talking peak Andrew McCarthy, in the St. Elmo’s Pretty Mannequin at Bernie’s era.

I left that shoot thinking it might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship, and then they sent me a package of hair products. Ouch! Don’t they know the new baby stress is making me lose my hair?
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The No-Can-Do Kid

The No-Can-Do Kid

Usually when I watch my son stumble around, I’m amazed at how little he can do. I mean, yeah, he’s only five-years-old, but it’s incredible to see all the basic, rudimentary human activities that he is unable to complete, or even truly comprehend.

I love my son, and lately his behavior has (slightly) improved and he’s being (slightly) less of an asshole so I’m (slightly) more inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, in many cases, it’s not his no-can-do attitude so much as his no-can-do age.

With that in mind, I’ve tried to change my perspective and look at his deficiencies – like the inability to do two things at once, or to not get food in his hair, or to take a shower – as adorable and charming.

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