I hope whatever gifts you get – or give – get a better reception than that clown Jimmy Olsen’s!
Tag Archives: dads
The World’s Most Stressful Accessory
10 Jun
I love animals. I love dogs and cats, because I’m not one of those psychos who thinks you can only appreciate one of the two and have to draw a line in the sand.
But I am not a fan of cat-sized dogs. When I get a dog (it’s gonna happen, honey!), I want a real dog. I’ve never seen the point of having one of those teacup things that you can carry around in your bag.
Of course, having lived with a toddler for the past year, I’m starting to see the point.
Photo: Who Rocks the Potty?
8 Jun
Oh happy day!
My son performed his first successful poop in the potty this morning, and I wanted to share the proud moment with all of my blog readers.
It’s only right that you should experience this along with me, and share in my triumph.
Thanks for making the image on the next page possible!
Zombie Post: Love Trumps All, Unfortunately
7 Jun
Having kids is a constant test. Of your patience, your mettle, your marriage and constantly, your gag reflex.
A year ago at this time, my son was hosting Hand, Foot and Mouth disease. It was gross, and we survived. Then he got it again. Shouldn’t there be a limit to unconditional love?
This June, he has so far escaped that disgusting fate (knock on wood!), but we haven’t escaped the grossness. Because today we are knee-deep in potty training, and this kid is a sprayer.
The post I’m resurrecting today explores the cruel reality that no matter how gross your kids are, or how obnoxious they can be, none of that trumps your devotion to them. Make no mistake: unconditional love kind of sucks. Because I’d really much rather let my son fend for himself when his ass explodes, but no. Stupid biological imperative.
Every time my love for my son is tested, my love wins. Even when it involves fishing though his feces for the penny he swallowed.
It’s bullshit.
Original post: How Much Do You Love Your Kids?
Scrimping and Caving
6 Jun
A few weeks back, after abandoning potty training due to the onset of trauma, Mom and Buried and I took a quick run to Target.
While there, we decided to buy some off-brand diapers to get us through the next few weeks, enough time for Detective Munch to emerge from his PTSD (Potty Traumatic Stress Disorder) and get back on the potty train.
The cheapo diapers turned out to not be the best idea, as they were cheapo for a reason: they leaked worse than Julian Assange.
Which got me thinking. Maybe I shouldn’t shortchange my son.
Big Sad Voodoo Daddy
1 Jun
I don’t consider myself the superstitious type. I occasionally knock some wood and usually try to say “rabbit rabbit” at the start of every month, but that’s about it.
Of course, that was before I became a dad.
These days I might as well be Shirley Maclaine for all the bullshit I find myself believing. There’s just NO WAY a filthy anarchist monkey like Curious George gets invited to that many parties, but I just keep playing along.
Me Toddler. You Jane.
31 May
Children don’t understand decorum.
They don’t know that society has rules. That society demands you behave in a certain way in certain places. It’s called being civilized.
Children are not civilized. My two-year-old might as well be a rabid animal most of the time.
Getting him to behave the way one is supposed to behave is impossible.
The Real Reason Parents are Always So Tired
28 May
You often hear the phrase “I need a vacation from my vacation.”
I try not to use cliches, but after just a few days at the beach, I need a vacation from my vacation.
Unfortunately, I have a kid. So I’ll never get one.
Iden-daddy Crisis
22 May
On Twitter, it is possible to create lists into which you can group and categorize the people you follow. As I’ve grown my presence there, I’ve seen myself added to more and more lists (you get notified when it happens).
Yesterday, I was added to one that was simply called “parents.”
And it made me a little sad.
The Agony of the Teeth
20 May
Everyone hates going to the dentist.
These days, my two-year-old’s bedtime routine is making me hate BEING the dentist.
I didn’t realize that teaching my kid how to be a normal person would be such hard work.
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