25 Ways to Mock Terrible Parenting Advice

25 Ways to Mock Terrible Parenting Advice

Mom and Buried sent me a link to a parenting article, as moms do. After promising her I’d read it and then lying that I’d read it! (as dads do!), I quickly went back and actually read it. It was kind of difficult to focus, though, what with all the eye-rolling.

Parenting articles can be frustrating to read, despite the fact that they often contain some truly useful suggestions. All parenting advice is great in theory and in a vacuum; that’s why non-parents love dishing it out.

Of course, in real-life situations, with real-life sociopathic children and real-life at-the-end-of-their-rope parents, it’s not long before your best laid plans explode in your face.

Which is exactly what makes this kind of parenting advice so easy – and so fun! – to mock.

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Parental Advisories – Volume 9

Parental Advisories – Volume 9

Look. It’s not that I don’t want to give you people advice, it’s that you won’t allow me to. Even after my previous EIGHT installments of my parental advisories, in which I’ve dominated the field and proven my bona fides as someone who can write middling jokes while being kind of insulting and mostly side-stepping your very real domestic problems. I own the space!

You want in on this expertise? Then you’d better get to asking more questions!

Until then, I’ll service the meager few who’ve got the balls to admit – and/or are so drunk they actually think – that I’m a better parent than they are.

Like these brave souls below.

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Don’t Read My Blog

Don’t Read My Blog

I don’t know how to put this, but I’m kind of a big deal.

Not only are my tweets regularly featured in the Huffington Post’s weekly list of “Best Parenting Tweets” – follow me at @DadandBuried – but they occasionally publish my blog posts, in which I put forth my genius-level understanding of the intricacies of expert parenting.

This affiliation with such a popular, influential website gets my writing a lot more exposure, which is great, in theory. The HuffPo audience is not necessarily familiar with my blog.

And, judging by the comments they’re leaving on my posts, they hate me.

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Advisory Scoundrel

Advisory Scoundrel

I have my bona fides.

You’ve seen me on Huffington Post, inciting the rabble to abuse me with their humorless comments. You’ve seen me on Huffington Post saying serious things, providing insight. And you’ve seen me here, bitching about my son. Constantly.

Obviously, I’m a parenting EXPERT. Don’t believe me? ASK ME FOR SOME PARENTING ADVICE. I dare you.

My answers will blow your mind. And potentially lose you custody of your children.

WIN-WIN.

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