I love my kids, I just hate parenting
I’m no stranger to giving passive-aggressive gifts to subtly – or not – display my true feelings.
But my in-laws don’t play.
Thanks to the gift they got for my son, Christmas will be a not-so-silent night this year.
Sometimes watching sports and being a (good) parent is a tough combination. Especially when you’re a Dolphins fan.
I don’t have much to cheer for these days, but I do have plenty to cheer against (primarily the Patriots, Jets, and Bills). Unfortunately, there’s a five-year-old around most of the time, which makes talking smack about my rivals a lot harder.
But I think I may have found a solution. Thank God Detective Munch can’t read!
My wife’s friends are throwing her a sprinkle, which is both the name of a smaller, not-your-first-kid baby shower and a word I will spend the rest of my life trying to avoid saying.
As one does when generous friends plan to ease the stress and expense of preparing for a major life-changing event, my wife has started a registry. I have not seen this registry, and I may never see it. I may even be fabricating the fact that she even started one. I haven’t been paying attention.
Regardless, I decided to write a baby item wish list of things I think we need for baby #2, some of which are obvious, some of which are outlandish, and a few of which don’t actually exist.
If you follow my social accounts (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram), you may remember a photo shoot my son and I did with Dove Men+ Care back in February. We had a lot of fun that day, and despite the fact that in one of the photos I’m pretending to play a guitar that I wouldn’t be able to play even if it were actually plugged in, I’m not even being sarcastic!
How could I be, when Detective Munch looked so amazing in the resulting photos? We’re talking peak Andrew McCarthy, in the St. Elmo’s Pretty Mannequin at Bernie’s era.
I left that shoot thinking it might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship, and then they sent me a package of hair products. Ouch! Don’t they know the new baby stress is making me lose my hair?
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Everybody likes a good hero, right? Especially kids.
Back in my day, I searched the skies for Superman, pretended I was a Jedi, and even wrote a school paper about how much I admired my dad. When I became a father, I was excited for my son to find his own heroes.
I just didn’t expect them to be the bad guys.