I love my kids, I just hate parenting
Before we have kids, we often make a lot of hyperbolic statements about the things we can’t live without. Things like bacon and beer, as well as certain albums and books and movies.
Then you have kids, and those kids immediately skyrocket to the top of the list. Some of the other items on the list are displaced, having instantly become frivolous, but some of them remain, and even grow in importance.
Like coffee!
The Hammer won’t eat anything.
For a while, we thought we had him with pieorogies, and pizza, and pancakes, but he soon abandoned his alliteration-based preferences and embarked on a hunger strike. Cooking food for him quickly became a chore when all he wanted was his bottle of milk.
He loves his snacks, though, and despite the fact that he has occasionally procured a potato chip or two (second kids FTW!), he mostly munches on Cheerios. And thank god, because not only does he actually eat them, they don’t require any prep!
We had our second kid a little more than a year ago.
Having a baby around, after being five-plus years removed from that part of the process, was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done required some quick re-learning of some forgotten skills.
Thankfully, it was a bit like riding a bike. Riding a shit-stained bike through an obstacle course of crumbs, toys, and instantly outgrown onesies while totally exhausted to the point of hallucination, but a bike nonetheless.
So far, we’ve managed, but not without my parenting survival list.
Everyone needs sleep. Parents more than most.
(Well, air traffic controllers more than most, probably, and, soldiers and doctors and stuff too. But parents are definitely on the list. Especially parents who happen to be military doctors turned air traffic controllers!)
We’re tired. And that’s just the way it is and always will be.
We never get enough sleep, but what if there’s a way to improve the sleep we do get?
I could never be an actor. I’m too self-conscious. I love watching TV and movies, and I admire what many of those performers are able to do, but that’s not for me. (Not that anyone’s asked!)
My 6-year-old, however, may have a future in the spotlight. Not necessarily because he’s good at pretending (he is) or that he’s a good liar (he’s getting there), but because the dude loves to put on a show!
That is not a compliment. My son is a straight-up drama queen — excuse me, a drama king — and it’s killing me.