18 Aug

Dad and Buried Posted in discipline 2 comments

Empty Parenting Threats

When it comes to getting your kids to do something they don’t want to do, there are basically three tactics you can employ: bribery, threats, and just giving up and doing it for them.

Doing it for them is obviously not the way to go. Detective Munch is lazy enough as it is; if I were to start waiting on him hand and foot (or waiting on him even more, which I guess would make it waiting on him hands and feet? COMEDY GOLD!), he’d probably end up with bed sores.

As most parents already know, bribery is a double-edged sword. It works, but you’re gonna pay for it down the line when the kid refuses to get out of bed without the promise of a new toy or some TV time, and eventually you’re buying him a new car just to get him to go to college.

Which leaves us with threats.

07 Aug

Dad and Buried Posted in Judgment 12 comments

You’re a Good Parent

I don’t know you. And I don’t know your kids.

I have no idea what they’re like, how they act in public, at restaurants, in movie theaters. I don’t know if they have good manners, if they curse, if they listen to you more than they don’t, if they eat their dinners without argument and clean their rooms when asked.

I’ve never met you and probably never will. I couldn’t pick you out in a lineup. (I hope you’re not in any line-ups.) I don’t know if you’re quick to yell, or if you’re lazy, or if you’re neglectful.

But that doesn’t matter. I know you’re a good parent.

Read more about You’re a Good Parent …

05 Aug

Dad and Buried Posted in ECard No comments

[E-card] What Breastfeeding Says About You

It’s World Breastfeeding Week. I don’t think that means I get to partake, but I’m gonna go ahead and support it anyway. I mean, there’s no point in stopping now.

A few months ago I wrote something about breastfeeding, in which I suggested that many of us do far more disgusting things in public than those mothers who dare keep their helpless children alive through the miracle of biology.

The uproar over seeing a woman do something so natural, necessary and worthwhile always confuses me. But I think I’ve finally figured out why it makes some people so upset.

04 Aug

Dad and Buried Posted in discipline 3 comments

In Defense of “Because I Said So”

Last week, a friend of mine wrote a nice little post about a subject that’s dear to my heart. He had me at the title: It’s Not Just a Phase. Kids are Assholes. They sure are!

Unfortunately, despite our affinity for insulting our children, I have to take issue with one thing he said in his piece. I quote: “‘Because I said so’ is the phrase of a lazy parent…”

Ahem. I know lazy parents. Lazy parents are friends of mine. In fact, I am a lazy parent.

“Because I said so” is not lazy parenting. Not all the time.

03 Aug

Dad and Buried Posted in Lists No comments

Fair Comparisons

If you’ve spent anytime on my blog, you probably know I’m no stranger to a good list.

I have written a lot of them, and almost all of them are collections of hilarious AND TRUE ways that children or parenting (or writing lists!) is/are like other things, like prison or homeless people (or writing lists!).

Comparing children to non-children things is a popular pastime, and an easy way to both let off steam and give non-parents an idea of what the child-rearing experience is like. Most of the time the comparisons are extreme, because everyone knows exaggeration is the absolute funniest thing in the history of the universe. But they all have a kernel of truth.

So which are the funniest and most fair comparisons? I’m glad you asked.

Dad and Buried

Tag: terrible twos

Empty Parenting Threats

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You’re a Good Parent

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[E-card] What Breastfeeding Says About You

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In Defense of “Because I Said So”

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Fair Comparisons

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