Earlier this week I wrote about the five baby-related items that made our first year as parents a little more bearable. These were all items in which our son had little say; because they were for us, not for him.
But now, as we get closer to Christmas, and our son gets closer to self-awareness, we have to take begin taking his “interests” into consideration.
Which – since his interests continue to be, in no particular order: Knocking Things Off the Table, Throwing Food on the Ground, Stealing Daddy’s Cellphone, Throwing Daddy’s Cellphone to the Ground, and Saying Hi to Strangers – really means trying to guess-slash-influence his interests based on his emerging personality.
It’s not easy, and, as I suspect will continue to be the case years from now, is largely a waste of time, since I’m just going to buy the cheapest knock-off of the most hyped gift every Christmas. At least, that’s what I’ll do after my wife divorces me. Unfortunately, until then we’ll have to actually pay attention to our son while also staying up to date on exactly what the people inside the TV think children his age most desperately need to own.
So while we haven’t yet figured any of that out, I’ve definitely figured out what he won’t be getting. Here’s the list.
Five Gifts My Son Will NOT Be Getting For Christmas
1 – Fake Plastic Cell Phone
He won’t be fooled. He doesn’t want a piece of plastic with light up buttons. He wants Daddy’s expensive iPhone. He knows the difference, somehow. The same way he inexplicably knows how to use a phone even though my wife and I almost exclusively text. I blame natural selection Creationism. Jesus made sure he knows the difference between a toy phone and a real phone. As such, I won’t insult him with this crap.
2 – A Tool Bench
The first reason we’re not getting him a tool bench? Because I don’t want my son to start asking me questions I can’t answer, and I can’t answer any questions about tools. Every time I put something together, I miss a crucial piece and have to disassemble it and reassemble it all over again. It’s really frustrating, especially if the robot you are building WON’T SHUT UP.
The second reason we’re not getting him a little play tool bench? Because we are getting him a play kitchen set instead. Why are we getting him a kitchen set? Because FUCK GENDER STEREOTYPES, that’s why. I find it much more ridiculous that Guy Fieri chooses to walk around looking like he does than that he’s a man who happens to be a cook. And unlike with a tool kit, there is nothing my son might learn in the kitchen that would make me feel bad about myself for not knowing. Now go cook me an omelette. EXTRA BACON.
3 – Movie-Themed Legos
No Star Wars legos or Indiana Jones legos or other cool themed Lego sets. Because they would be for me, not for him, and he would eat them, and it would be a pain to wait for Indy’s fedora or Boba Fett’s jetpack to emerge into my son’s diaper. It’s just not worth it.
4 – Makeup
My aversion to gender stereotyping only goes so far. Let’s at least let the kid make some choices of his own before we start getting all Boy George up in here. (Random aside: Who’s the current equivalent to Boy George? Lady Gaga? I mean, she’s a weird looking member of her gender who willfully dresses up in ways that both obscure and make gender irrelevant. And she has a few pop hits. If she shaves her head and starts tweeting about toothbrushes, we’ll know for sure. But it’s either her or Bieber.)
5 – A Pet
My wife won’t let me. And it’s impractical. We live in a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, which means if we had a cat, we’d suddenly have two containers of shit inside our house. I draw the line at one container of shit. And if we had a dog, it would have to be one of those crappy little dogs no one but rich hotel heiresses like. Also, not sure a pet would qualify as a gift for our son, who would neither have any responsibility for it nor give a crap one way or the other. I mean, the dude responds to almost everything the same exact way:
“Hey! I dont know what that is but I want it. Give it to me! Give it to me right now. You’re making me angry. SCREAM! CRY! Oh good, now I have it, whatever it is. Whoops, now I’ve dropped it. Give it back to me. GIVE IT BACK! SCREAM! CRY! Oh good, now I have it again. I still don’t know what this is but it’s definitely mine. I wonder what this tastes like. GAG! SCREAM! CRY! That was gross. Hey, I wonder what this tastes like. GAG! SCREAM! CRY! WHY ARE YOU TAKING MY POSSESSIONS FROM ME! GIVE IT BACK! SCREAM! CRY! Hey what’s that over there?”
And, more importantly: my wife won’t let me.
HAHAHAHA! I *LOVE* the toolbench one!
Thankfulness to my father who stated to me concerning this web site,
this website is actually awesome.
Медицинский центр предлагает профессиональные медицинские услуги для всей семьи.
Команда профессионалов имеют многолетний опыт и применяют передовые методики.
Мы обеспечиваем все удобства для прохождения обследований.
Клиника предоставляет персонализированные медицинские решения для каждого пациента.
Приоритетом для нас является здоровью наших пациентов.
Каждый посетитель может ожидать оперативную помощь по доступным ценам.
serve-human.com
GameAthlon is a popular entertainment platform offering dynamic games for players of all levels.
The platform provides a huge collection of slots, real-time games, card games, and sports betting.
Players are offered fast navigation, top-notch visuals, and easy-to-use interfaces on both computer and smartphones.
gameathlon online casino
GameAthlon takes care of security by offering trusted payment methods and reliable game results.
Reward programs and VIP perks are regularly updated, giving players extra opportunities to win and extend their play.
The support service is available around the clock, assisting with any issues quickly and professionally.
The site is the top destination for those looking for entertainment and exciting rewards in one reputable space.
Exquisite wristwatches have long been synonymous with precision. Crafted by legendary watchmakers, they perfectly unite tradition with cutting-edge engineering.
All elements reflect superior workmanship, from precision-engineered calibers to premium elements.
Investing in a Swiss watch is not just about telling time. It signifies sophisticated style and heritage craftsmanship.
Whether you prefer a minimalist aesthetic, Swiss watches provide extraordinary precision that stands the test of time.
https://queenkaymusic.com/forums/topic/%d0%bd%d0%b8%d0%ba%d1%82%d0%be%d1%84%d0%be%d0%b1%d0%b8%d1%8f/page/22/#post-190599
Even with the rise of modern wearable tech, traditional timepieces are still everlasting.
A lot of enthusiasts value the artistry that defines mechanical watches.
In contrast to digital alternatives, that lose relevance, mechanical watches hold their value through generations.
https://www.ric323.com/pf-forum/viewtopic.php?p=272035#272035
Luxury brands still produce exclusive mechanical models, confirming that demand for them hasn’t faded.
To a lot of people, a traditional wristwatch is not just a fashion statement, but a symbol of craftsmanship.
Though digital watches offer convenience, mechanical watches have soul that never goes out of style.
Почему BlackSprut привлекает внимание?
Платформа BlackSprut удостаивается внимание многих пользователей. Что делает его уникальным?
Эта площадка предлагает широкие опции для тех, кто им интересуется. Интерфейс платформы отличается функциональностью, что делает платформу понятной даже для тех, кто впервые сталкивается с подобными сервисами.
Важно отметить, что BlackSprut обладает уникальными характеристиками, которые формируют его имидж в определенной среде.
При рассмотрении BlackSprut важно учитывать, что определенная аудитория имеют разные мнения о нем. Одни отмечают его удобство, другие же рассматривают неоднозначно.
Подводя итоги, BlackSprut остается объектом интереса и удерживает внимание разных слоев интернет-сообщества.
Обновленный сайт БлэкСпрут – ищите здесь
Если ищете обновленный домен BlackSprut, вы на верном пути.
bs2best
Сайт может меняться, поэтому важно иметь обновленный домен.
Мы мониторим за актуальными доменами и готовы поделиться актуальным линком.
Проверьте актуальную ссылку у нас!
На нашем портале вам предоставляется возможность наслаждаться большим выбором игровых автоматов.
Эти слоты славятся яркой графикой и захватывающим игровым процессом.
Каждый слот предлагает индивидуальные бонусные функции, улучшающие шансы на успех.
1xbet казино официальный сайт
Слоты созданы для игроков всех уровней.
Есть возможность воспользоваться демо-режимом, и потом испытать азарт игры на реальные ставки.
Проверьте свою удачу и получите удовольствие от яркого мира слотов.
На этом сайте вы можете наслаждаться обширной коллекцией игровых автоматов.
Слоты обладают живой визуализацией и увлекательным игровым процессом.
Каждая игра даёт уникальные бонусные раунды, повышающие вероятность победы.
1xbet казино зеркало
Игра в игровые автоматы предназначена как новичков, так и опытных игроков.
Есть возможность воспользоваться демо-режимом, после чего начать играть на реальные деньги.
Проверьте свою удачу и получите удовольствие от яркого мира слотов.
На нашей платформе вы можете найти разнообразные слот-автоматы.
На сайте представлены ассортимент аппаратов от проверенных студий.
Каждый слот предлагает высоким качеством, дополнительными возможностями и максимальной волатильностью.
http://tech-experts.info/unveiling-the-thrilling-world-of-online-casinos/
Каждый посетитель может тестировать автоматы без вложений или выигрывать настоящие призы.
Меню и структура ресурса максимально удобны, что помогает легко находить нужные слоты.
Для любителей онлайн-казино, здесь вы точно найдете что-то по душе.
Откройте для себя мир слотов — азарт и удача уже рядом!
Here, you can discover lots of slot machines from leading developers.
Visitors can experience retro-style games as well as feature-packed games with high-quality visuals and interactive gameplay.
Even if you’re new or a seasoned gamer, there’s a game that fits your style.
slot casino
Each title are ready to play anytime and compatible with desktop computers and smartphones alike.
All games run in your browser, so you can jump into the action right away.
Site navigation is user-friendly, making it quick to find your favorite slot.
Register now, and discover the excitement of spinning reels!
Онлайн-площадка — официальная страница профессионального сыскного бюро.
Мы оказываем сопровождение в области розыска.
Коллектив сотрудников работает с максимальной дискретностью.
Нам доверяют сбор информации и разные виды расследований.
Заказать детектива
Любая задача рассматривается индивидуально.
Применяем новейшие технологии и соблюдаем юридические нормы.
Нуждаетесь в реальную помощь — добро пожаловать.
On this platform, you can access lots of online slots from leading developers.
Visitors can enjoy retro-style games as well as new-generation slots with stunning graphics and interactive gameplay.
Whether you’re a beginner or an experienced player, there’s always a slot to match your mood.
casino games
All slot machines are ready to play 24/7 and compatible with desktop computers and smartphones alike.
No download is required, so you can jump into the action right away.
Platform layout is intuitive, making it convenient to explore new games.
Register now, and dive into the world of online slots!
Новый летний период обещает быть стильным и оригинальным в плане моды.
В тренде будут натуральные ткани и яркие акценты.
Модные цвета включают в себя мягкие пастели, выделяющие образ.
Особое внимание дизайнеры уделяют аксессуарам, среди которых популярны винтажные очки.
https://nycityus.com/read-blog/81744
Возвращаются в моду элементы ретро-стиля, через призму сегодняшнего дня.
На улицах мегаполисов уже можно увидеть трендовые образы, которые впечатляют.
Не упустите шанс, чтобы вписаться в тренды.
Classic wristwatches will always remain relevant.
They represent engineering excellence and provide a mechanical beauty that tech-based options simply fail to offer.
These watches is powered by precision mechanics, making it both functional and artistic.
Watch enthusiasts appreciate the intricate construction.
https://thesocialmusic.co.uk/blogs/54676/Jacob-Co-The-Mad-Scientists-of-Watchmaking
Wearing a mechanical watch is not just about utility, but about honoring history.
Their designs are timeless, often passed from father to son.
All in all, mechanical watches will forever hold their place.
This website, you can discover lots of online slots from leading developers.
Users can enjoy traditional machines as well as modern video slots with vivid animation and exciting features.
If you’re just starting out or an experienced player, there’s something for everyone.
play aviator
Each title are available 24/7 and optimized for PCs and mobile devices alike.
No download is required, so you can start playing instantly.
Site navigation is easy to use, making it quick to find your favorite slot.
Register now, and enjoy the excitement of spinning reels!
Here, you can find a great variety of slot machines from famous studios.
Users can experience classic slots as well as new-generation slots with stunning graphics and bonus rounds.
Even if you’re new or a seasoned gamer, there’s always a slot to match your mood.
play casino
All slot machines are available round the clock and optimized for laptops and smartphones alike.
No download is required, so you can start playing instantly.
Site navigation is easy to use, making it simple to explore new games.
Sign up today, and enjoy the excitement of spinning reels!
Here you can discover necessary info about methods for becoming a cyber specialist.
Data is shared in a straightforward and coherent manner.
It helps master a range of skills for gaining access.
Plus, there are real-life cases that display how to utilize these aptitudes.
how to become a hacker
The entire content is often renewed to correspond to the recent advancements in computer security.
Special attention is given to workable execution of the acquired knowledge.
Remember that all activities should be utilized ethically and through ethical means only.
Our website are presented useful special offers for 1x Bet.
These special offers give access to earn extra incentives when betting on the site.
Every listed special codes are regularly updated to assure their relevance.
With these codes it allows to raise your gaming experience on the gaming site.
https://cwpainters.co.za/wp-content/pgs/rulonnaya_krovlya_ustroystvo_tehnologiya_materialy.html
Moreover, detailed instructions on how to use bonus codes are included for maximum efficiency.
Consider that some promocodes may have limited validity, so examine rules before activating.
One X Bet represents a premier online betting provider.
Featuring an extensive selection of matches, 1xBet meets the needs of millions globally.
The 1XBet app is designed to suit both Android devices and iPhone users.
https://astra-hotel.ch/articles/kak_vybraty_dietu_chtoby_popravitysya.html
You can download the mobile version through the platform’s page and also Google Play Store for Android.
For iOS users, this software can be installed via the official iOS store with ease.
One X Bet Promotional Code – Special Bonus up to €130
Apply the 1xBet promo code: 1XBRO200 during sign-up on the app to unlock exclusive rewards provided by One X Bet and get €130 maximum of a full hundred percent, for placing bets and a $1950 including free spin package. Open the app then continue by completing the registration steps.
This 1xBet promotional code: 1XBRO200 provides a fantastic welcome bonus for first-time users — 100% as much as 130 Euros upon registration. Promotional codes serve as the key to obtaining bonuses, plus 1xBet’s bonus codes are the same. After entering the code, bettors have the chance of several promotions in various phases in their gaming adventure. Though you’re not eligible to the starter reward, 1XBet India ensures its loyal users are rewarded via ongoing deals. Look at the Deals tab on their website frequently to remain aware regarding recent promotions tailored for existing players.
1xbet today promo code
What One X Bet bonus code is presently available right now?
The bonus code applicable to 1xBet is 1XBRO200, permitting novice players registering with the bookmaker to gain a reward amounting to €130. In order to unlock exclusive bonuses pertaining to gaming and bet placement, make sure to type this special code for 1XBET in the registration form. To take advantage from this deal, future players should enter the promo code 1XBET at the time of registering step for getting a 100% bonus applied to the opening contribution.
Within this platform, access an extensive collection videos for adults.
The entire library is carefully curated guaranteeing the best experience for visitors.
Whether you’re looking for certain themes or casually exploring, this site provides material for everyone.
threesome videos
Latest updates uploaded frequently, ensuring available content always growing.
Access to all materials is restricted for individuals aged 18+, following regulations with applicable laws.
Keep updated and fresh uploads, as the platform expands its library daily.
1xBet Promo Code – Exclusive Bonus up to $130
Enter the 1XBet promo code: Code 1XBRO200 when registering via the application to access the benefits given by One X Bet to receive 130 Euros as much as 100%, for sports betting plus a casino bonus with one hundred fifty free spins. Start the app followed by proceeding by completing the registration process.
This 1xBet promo code: 1xbro200 offers an amazing starter bonus for new users — a complete hundred percent maximum of $130 upon registration. Promotional codes serve as the key to unlocking bonuses, also One X Bet’s bonus codes aren’t different. After entering this code, players can take advantage of several promotions at different stages in their gaming adventure. Although you aren’t entitled to the starter reward, 1XBet India makes sure its regular customers get compensated with frequent promotions. Look at the Deals tab on the site regularly to keep informed on the latest offers tailored for existing players.
https://wiki.whelex.com/profile.php?user=alicia-ziesemer-143184&do=profile
Which 1XBet promo code is currently active right now?
The promotional code for One X Bet stands as Code 1XBRO200, which allows new customers joining the bookmaker to access a reward of $130. For gaining exclusive bonuses pertaining to gaming and bet placement, make sure to type the promotional code concerning 1XBET while filling out the form. To make use of such a promotion, potential customers need to type the promo code 1XBET while signing up procedure so they can obtain a 100% bonus applied to the opening contribution.
На этом сайте доступны последние коды для Melbet.
Воспользуйтесь ими во время создания аккаунта на платформе и получите до 100% при стартовом взносе.
Также, доступны промокоды для текущих акций игроков со стажем.
промокод melbet на сегодня
Следите за обновлениями в разделе промокодов, чтобы не упустить эксклюзивные бонусы для Мелбет.
Любой код тестируется на актуальность, поэтому вы можете быть уверены при использовании.
One X Bet Bonus Code – Special Bonus as much as 130 Euros
Use the 1XBet bonus code: Code 1XBRO200 during sign-up via the application to avail exclusive rewards offered by One X Bet to receive welcome bonus up to 100%, for sports betting plus a casino bonus including 150 free spins. Open the app followed by proceeding through the sign-up process.
The One X Bet bonus code: 1xbro200 offers an amazing sign-up bonus for first-time users — a complete hundred percent maximum of $130 during sign-up. Bonus codes act as the key to unlocking rewards, plus 1xBet’s promotional codes aren’t different. When applying the code, bettors have the chance from multiple deals in various phases in their gaming adventure. Although you’re not eligible for the welcome bonus, 1XBet India ensures its loyal users are rewarded via ongoing deals. Visit the Offers page on their website frequently to stay updated on the latest offers tailored for current users.
1xbet promo code india
What One X Bet bonus code is currently active right now?
The promotional code applicable to One X Bet is Code 1XBRO200, which allows new customers signing up with the bookmaker to access a bonus of $130. To access exclusive bonuses related to games and sports betting, please input the promotional code related to 1XBET during the sign-up process. To make use of this offer, potential customers need to type the bonus code Code 1xbet while signing up process to receive a 100% bonus for their first payment.
Within this platform, discover live video chats.
Interested in casual conversations or professional networking, the site offers options for any preference.
The video chat feature crafted to foster interaction globally.
With high-quality video and clear audio, each interaction is immersive.
You can join public rooms connect individually, depending on what suits you best.
https://freeporncams.pw/
What’s required consistent online access and a device begin chatting.
Here, find a wide range virtual gambling platforms.
Interested in well-known titles new slot machines, there’s a choice for every player.
Every casino included are verified to ensure security, enabling gamers to bet with confidence.
free spins
What’s more, this resource provides special rewards along with offers to welcome beginners including long-term users.
Due to simple access, discovering a suitable site is quick and effortless, enhancing your experience.
Stay updated on recent updates with frequent visits, since new casinos appear consistently.
Here, you can discover a wide selection of slot machines from famous studios.
Visitors can enjoy traditional machines as well as feature-packed games with high-quality visuals and exciting features.
Even if you’re new or a casino enthusiast, there’s a game that fits your style.
money casino
All slot machines are ready to play 24/7 and designed for laptops and smartphones alike.
All games run in your browser, so you can get started without hassle.
Platform layout is user-friendly, making it convenient to explore new games.
Sign up today, and discover the world of online slots!
Within this platform, you can discover a variety virtual gambling platforms.
Interested in classic games new slot machines, there’s a choice to suit all preferences.
All featured casinos are verified to ensure security, enabling gamers to bet securely.
free spins
Additionally, the site unique promotions along with offers targeted at first-timers and loyal customers.
With easy navigation, discovering a suitable site is quick and effortless, enhancing your experience.
Stay updated regarding new entries with frequent visits, because updated platforms are added regularly.