Category: Sacrifice

Guest Post: Suburban Snapshots and the Benefits of One
04 Aug
Posted in Blogging 14 comments

Guest Post: Suburban Snapshots and the Benefits of One

The internet is weird.

Almost 15 years ago (pre-blog, pre-kid, pre-mature) at my first job after college, I briefly worked with a woman named Brenna Jennings. (I almost called it my first “real” job but I think Brenna will agree that “real” barely applies.) We weren’t exactly friends but she was a lot taller than me so that was my fault.

Cut to a decade and a half later when I recognized her name on the byline of a funny piece on The Huffington Post and immediately went to her hilarious, like-minded blog, Suburban Snapshots. I reached out, explained who I was several times until she pretended to remember me, and we rekindled what I can only refer to as an adversarial, she-had-no-time-for-me-and-I-was-scared-of-her relationship. And then I asked Brenna, a self-described “working mom who blogs it out because vodka has too many calories,” to write a guest post on Dad and Buried.

After almost a year, she finally obliged.

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Nobody Hates Kids More Than Parents
01 Aug
Posted in discipline 12 comments

Nobody Hates Kids More Than Parents

Controversy recently ignited when a popular Northern California restaurant posted a sign aggressively banning unruly children and babies from their establishment.

Yesterday, on the heels of this, I shared an old post I wrote about the divide between parents and non-parents, which, if the collection of comments and emails and death threats I receive whenever I post something on The Huffington Post is any indication, seems pretty wide these days.

Whether you’ve read that old post of mine or not, you probably assume I’m outraged at the restaurant for its “no loud kids” policy, like a lot of my fellow parents. But I actually don’t have a problem with it.

Funny thing about parents: we hate kids.
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The Happiness Problem
20 Mar
Posted in discipline 5 comments

The Happiness Problem

My son turned three and half the other day. My wife threw him a little party.

Few things seem so obviously tailor-made for a Dad and Buried rant as the absurdity of half-birthdays. Unfortunately, when my wife got excited about Detective Munch’s mini-milestone, I found myself swept up in half-birthday fever myself, against my better judgment.

Despite my reservations – about spoiling the kid; about rewarding him for nothing; about the fact that his terrible threes haven’t exactly been his behavioral high-point so why the fuck should he get an extra made-up holiday right smack in the middle of it? – I helped celebrate it. Enthusiastically. We gave him a toy truck and a cupcake!

I think I’m part of the problem. I sang “Happy half-birthday” to him, for Christ’s sake.

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The Winter Soldier
17 Mar
Posted in Drinking 2 comments

The Winter Soldier

My family is the victim of poor planning.

Like everyone else, we participate in the standard holiday season that begins in November and ends in January.Unlike everyone else, we also have a few more holidays thrown into that fall/winter zone. And I.m not talking about All Saints’ Day or Pitchers and Catchers day.

My wife’s birthday is in early November. My son’s birthday is in mid-September and happens to land on the day before our wedding anniversary, and my own birthday hits just a week before that, although, let’s be honest, my birthday is meaningless. Throw in my wife’s beloved Halloween and the Hallmark hell of Valentine’s Day, and from September until mid-February my life is a calendar-choked spending spree of forced romance and legitimately meaningful milestones that leaves me both physically and financially spent.

Like I said, poor planning. And this long winter is just making it worse.

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“The (Baby) Weight”
04 Mar
Posted in Movies No comments

“The (Baby) Weight”

As a youngster, I used to enjoy writing “Weird Al”-style song parodies. I wrote one that changed the title of one of my favorite Saturday morning cartoons to “Muppet Rabies”. I told a story about a classmate who appeared on “Teen Jeopardy” by re-purposing the tune of Rush’s “Tom Sawyer”. At a friend’s request, I once wrote something bashing Derek Jeter and jammed it inside an Eminem song.

As I grew older, I occasionally found a new outlet for this supreme waste of time.

A few years ago, I helped my wife alter some lyrics to the song “Razzle Dazzle” so she could perform it at her company’s talent show (don’t ask). And just last year I whipped up a “Paradise City” parody that referenced Pope Benedict’s abrupt retirement and posted it on Twitter. It’s been retweeted 1,314 times and is easily my most popular tweet, even though I’ve written several about potty training.

I just can’t seem to stop writing the stupid parodies, and yet I’ve never written one about my son (unless you include the one where I sing his name to the tune of the “CHiPs” theme song). Until now. I apologize in advance for wasting your time.

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