I love my kids, I just hate parenting
A few years ago, well before my son was gestating in her uterus like H.R. Giger‘s worst nightmare, my wife bought a bunch of fabric in order to snip and sew into a Halloween costume.
Wanna see it?
Read more about Baby Rule: Hookers aren’t good role models …
A friend of mine is in a fantasy football league in which one owner drafted a defense in the sixth round.
When questioned as to why he made such an idiotic pick, said owner explained that he made the pick because his young son had been begging him to take the Steelers D all day and he couldn’t hold him off any longer.
Um, what?
You never quite realize how dangerous your home is until you have a child. Once your kid gets mobile, perfectly innocuous things that seemed safe for years will become booby-trapped death machines.
The furniture you’ve had for years, drawers you haven’t even opened in months, the stuff you’ve lost beneath, between and behind your couch? None of it is safe. The kid will find it – every jagged, swallow-able, poisonous bit of it – and he will find a way to use it, as a weapon, on himself. Seriously: babies should be hired to brainstorm for the military; the unique ways they have of injuring themselves have to be use-able in combat.
They are like little MacGyvers of pain.
A few weeks ago I caught wind of this new Tumblr focusing on the “bad parents, cute babies, questionable decisions” that result in photos of babies in bars. I took issue with the site’s general conceit that taking a baby to a bar is a bad idea. But the site has potential. So much potential,Read more about If You Can’t Beat Em…[…]
A friend just sent me a link to plumgear.com
At first I assumed it was some Not-Safe-for-Work site, like the LemonParty link he sent me. (DO NOT CLICK THAT LINK.) (SERIOUSLY. DO NOT CLICK THAT LINK.)
My friend is wacky like that. And the URL is plumgear.com, for pete’s sake. What was I supposed to think? But it turns out it’s NOT about how to outfit your nether regions. It’s actually a brand new way to avoid one of the many expenses that comes with owning a rapidly growing child.