I love my kids, I just hate parenting
I may be a lot of things. I may be 34. I may be a Dolphins fan. I may be the funniest person my wife has ever met.
But I am not a pretender.
So I’m not gonna sit here and pretend the Fins will make the playoffs. I’m not gonna try to convince you I’m hilarious. I’m not gonna deny (anymore) that I’m actually 36. And I’m not gonna pretend I’ve accomplished all the goals I set out for myself.
And I’m not gonna pretend that matters much to me these days either.
When you become a parent, you suddenly need to learn a whole new set of skills.
You’ll be doing things you never thought possible, things for which your pre-baby life never prepared you. The good news is you’ll pick them up pretty quickly. The bad news is that this particular set of skills changes you. It’s impossible to be a halfway decent mom or dad without becoming a slightly lamer person. The evolution is both impressive and soul-crushing.
Many of the skills I’ve acquired are quite useful and, without them, I’d be adrift as a parent. Skills like diaper-changing and baby-holding and swaddling and so on.
Unfortunately, many more of them are skills I wish I hadn’t acquired. Because while they may make me a better parent, they also take me further and further away from my pre-parent self.
My son is learning fast and it’s both fun to watch and bittersweet to see, as it means he’s growing up. Soon he’ll have to shed some of the more immature behavior that comes with toddler territory. Like being shameless.
Going to the bathroom in your pants or throwing tantrums or smearing food all over your face at every meal; that stuff just won’t fly when he’s older. But there are some things kids learn that maybe they shouldn’t.
Right now, at two years old, my son knows no shame. And I’d like to keep it that way for as long as possible.
Read more about Kids Are Shameless And That’s A Good Thing …
Progress! Two people asked for my advice this week.
Why?
BECAUSE I SAVE LIVES.
(Submit your own questions, at your own risk, here.)
Read more about Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed – Vol. 4 …
In this age of iPods and Spotify, maybe you don’t remember Maxell. This should jog your memory: MomandBuried and I were bored on a rainy day, and the kid was unusually cooperative. Besides, he was already sitting in his easy chair; it had to happen. Unfortunately he’d already finished his martini.