Page Fright

Page Fright

Somehow it was easier with a baby.

Sure, we were guaranteed multiple trips into his bedroom every night, but when a baby wakes up crying you can cuddle it, feed it, rock it and lay with it until it falls back asleep. Of course that’s not exactly easy, a lot depends on the crankiness of the baby and/or any more serious issues (we escaped the dreaded colic, thank the gods), but it doesn’t require a ton of thought or effort. It’s instinct versus inconvenience.

Toddlers wake up less often but when they do, they’re able to start a conversation. Or worse: make demands.

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FREE SMELLS!

FREE SMELLS!

I have a trashcan full of shitty diapers IN MY HOUSE. The last thing I need is more smells, free or not. But thanks anyway!

The Parent Voice

The Parent Voice

I’ve seen my wife get angry before, believe me.

I’m a guy, she’s a girl, we’ve had our share of disagreements. I’ve heard her yell, seen her scowl, watched her throw stuff. Guys do guy things, women are insane; it is what it is. Every single guy on earth knows what I’m talking about. Right, John Wayne Bobbitt? Andre Rison? Chaz Bono?

But Mom Rage is different than Wife or Girlfriend Rage. And the first time you see the mother of your children get angry at your kids? Yikes.

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A Royal Pain

A Royal Pain

In case you haven’t heard, a couple of celebrities are having a baby!!!!

Complications aside, that’s what Kate Middleton’s pregnancy boils down to. The Royals over in England have long ceased meaning much politically and are now merely celebrities; attractive, wholesome celebrities. But, no surprise, the media is treating this like the biggest thing since Kate Middleton got married. Which was also meaningless, especially in the face of Pippa’s glorious rump.

I sympathize with the Duke and Duchess. Because being pregnant is a pain in the ass, but that’s nothing compared to being pregnant under the glare of the entire Western media. Which is itself nothing compared to the royal pain in the ass that is owning a child, celebrity or not.

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Who Does My Son Take After

Who Does My Son Take After

Parenting isn’t a competition.

When it comes to raising kids, comparing how you’re doing to other parents or measuring your kid’s development against others their age is just not a good idea. Children are like snowflakes – annoying, loud, inconvenient, smelly snowflakes. They’re all annoying and loud and inconvenient and smelly in their own unique ways.

Every parent is unique too. We all have different styles, even compared to our spouses. Making it about who’s winning is poisonous to your relationship and potentially damaging to your offspring.

That said, when it comes to which parent Detective Munch takes after, I am totally crushing my wife.

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