It’s been a few weeks since I offered up my services as a parent whisperer. Despite my constant ranting against the idea of parental expertise and the superiority complexes of the Other Parent, I still feel confident that I am the one true parenting expert and am better at it than anyone else on earth.

Unfortunately I haven’t had any opportunities to display this prowess, as no one has submitted any questions to my blog’s new advice section.

But I’m no lazybones. So instead of waiting for all of the ill-equipped, terrible, surely-raising-the-next-Hitler-via-their-dumbass-parenting parents out there to email me with questions, I’m making up some of my own. And signing them as only John McClane would.

Read more about Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed! …