21 Jul

Dad and Buried Posted in Shopping 7 comments

How to Dress a Toddler

There was a time when I thought they weren’t real. I saw them on a classic episode of The Simpsons and thought they were a clever joke. But, sadly, they do exist. And it’s hard to believe anyone would consider using one.

I’m talking about the “Baby Harness.” In the classic Simpsons episode that featured the return of Danny DeVito as Homer’s long-lost brother Herb, a baby-speech translator captures the feelings of a child who has been subjected to a harness: “This leash demeans us both.” (Watch the episode here!)

The sad fact is that even parents who refuse to succumb to the convenience of the baby harness can’t help but regularly demean their children. Sometimes, all it takes is the wrong shirt.

13 Jul

Dad and Buried Posted in Fear No comments

The Toddler Menace

I have made my peace with babies. After long, contentious negotiations, we’ve finally come to terms.

Of course, I still hate your baby (sorry, but it’s true. My baby is the best, your baby is the worst; that’s just the way it is.) But babies in general? They’re okay. There’s been a lot of chatter lately, as usual, about whether kids should be allowed in restaurants. This place banned them. You already know how I feel.

Babies aren’t the issue, believe me. After 10 months of living with one, I understand them now; at least, I understand them as much as I ever will. I’m used to having a baby around, I know the drill; I can deal with babies. They are what they are and they are controllable.

Toddlers, on the other hand…

Hey Parents, Why So Serious?

When did parenting get so serious?

Every where you look these days, parents are up in arms about the ways other people raise their kids. Don’t Cry It Out! Don’t spank! No TV! No fast food! No smoking!

And yet, despite all these precautions, the ultimate result – the person your kid ends up being, regardless of how strictly or loosely he is raised – is still a mystery. So why can’t we all lighten up a bit?

Why so serious?

06 Apr

Dad and Buried Posted in Sacrifice 41 comments

Real Parents Do It All By Themselves!

There a lots of different types of parents: Good parents, bad parents, absentee parents, foster parents, single parents, gay parents, neo-Nazi parents, etc.

And then there are those cute little couples who have children and live near family. But I hardly consider them parents at all.

Real parents do it all by themselves.

24 Mar

Dad and Buried Posted in Sacrifice 9,739 comments

Parents Don’t Deserve Happiness

All babies are created equal. Their parents are not.

Babies are little humans, slowly developing their own personalities and opinions and interests. As clean slates making their way toward self-realization, they deserve the benefit of the doubt and the unencumbered opportunity to reach their fullest potential.

Parents, however, have had their chance. They are adults (give or take every parent ever featured on MTV or VH1) who’ve they lived their lives and are what they are. At some point they decided (give or take every parent ever featured on MTV or VH1) to have a kid. Or two. Or 19. And now they have to live with that decision. They weren’t born parents, they became parents. They chose their lifestyle, they made their beds – and they deserve no quarter.

And no happiness.

Dad and Buried

Tag: toddlers

How to Dress a Toddler

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The Toddler Menace

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Hey Parents, Why So Serious?

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Real Parents Do It All By Themselves!

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Parents Don’t Deserve Happiness

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