16 Ways Parenting is Like March Madness

16 Ways Parenting is Like March Madness

Parenting has a lot in common with sports. Raising a child requires the energy and stamina of an athlete, the vigilance of a referee, the devotion of a die-hard fan and the patience of a coach.

Being a parent is basically like competing in a daily, year-long, rest-of-your-life tournament in which your endurance and your wits are constantly being tested, usually by someone much smaller who has to constantly be told what to do while even though they’re a lot more important than you.

Coincidentally, except for the fact that your kids go to college after you’ve (mostly) finished, instead of not really going to college at all (because the NCAA is corrupt!), parenting is a lot like March Madness.

Let’s count the ways…

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Parenting Changes You

Parenting Changes You

Part of the reason I started this blog was to prove that it is possible to have kids and keep some semblance of your pre-parent life, and some semblance of your pre-parent personality, and some semblance of your pre-parent vocabulary.

In my case that mostly meant, respectively: going to bars, concerts and movies; being a cynical, sarcastic jerk; and swearing a lot. If you read my blog, you already know I’m still a cynical, sarcastic jerk who swears a lot.

But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to some attrition. Parenting changes you, that’s obvious. You’re a shell of the person you used to be. I don’t even know who you are anymore.

Now let’s find out how much it has changed me, with a good old-fashioned Q & A!

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Out of Control

Out of Control

On Friday, I wrote about our tendency, as parents, to overvalue our impact on our kids.

We wring our hands over every little thing we do wrong, terrified that the slightest misstep will set our kids on the wrong path. But once you consider how many other influences are out there, you realize that such micromanagement – of our parenting, of their lives – is impossible.

I can’t get my son to do the littlest things right now, why should I think I have the power to get him to do big things when he’s older? I’m all out of control.

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I Won’t Let My Son Join the Military

I Won’t Let My Son Join the Military

First things first: I support the troops; I love America and Ford and apple pie and Credence Clearwater Revival; I pledge allegiance to the flag and take my hat off during the national anthem; I hate terrorism and ISIS and think they must be stopped, somehow.

Just not by my son. I don’t want him near a military recruiting office. Not in a million years.

I won’t let my son join the military.

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Parenting Superpowers

Parenting Superpowers

I spend a lot of time complaining about all the things parenting has taken away from me. My energy, my free time, any instance of silence, the ability to open a bag of chips without a mop-headed midget running in and demanding all of them, without even knowing what they are.

But today I’m looking at the bright side.

Parenting doesn’t just take, it gives. And over the past five years, I’ve acquired some amazing talents that never would have manifested if I weren’t responsible for a child.

Because with great responsibility comes great power…

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