Large groups of toddlers makes me very uncomfortable. Simply surviving the tornado that is my own (almost) two-year-old is a daily workout. When there is a group of these creatures underfoot, my blood pressure goes through the roof.
I’ve written about the struggles of keeping my son in check when visiting a friend’s home, but today’s post is not about my kid; it’s about everyone else’s.
MomandBuried and I took Lt. Munch to the park the other day, to sit with other kids his age and listen to someone with a remarkable lack of self-consciousness play a guitar and sing children’s songs. All the parents laid blankets out, along with some toys and maybe some snacks to better distract and occupy their children. It didn’t quite work.
These are toddlers we’re talking about; nothing works.
Lots of people, even – maybe especially – Spider-man fans, are angry that a new Spider-man movie is coming out in a few weeks.
But as a fan of superheroes, I don’t have a problem with a new Spidey movie. I want to see more.
Just not more of the same.
Over the past two years I’ve seen a lot of my son’s penis.
I’d have to say that aside from my own, there’s no one penis I’ve seen more of.
And I’ve been on Chat Roulette.
The title of this post is an exact quote from my wife. Thanks, honey?
It’s a borderline offensive thing to say, but she’s right. No one knew I’d be, let alone expected me to be, a good dad. Not her. Not you. Least of all me.
Okay. Maybe least of all you.
Apparently human beings can get hoof-to-mouth disease. I guess this means we’re done with petting zoos.
But are we done with hugs too?
A couple of teenagers raided their dads liquor cabinet and got caught.
The other day when I went to pick my son up from daycare, I saw a little girl in his class wearing a supercool Wonder Woman dress. It wasn’t a Wonder Woman costume; it was a dress emblazoned with a drawing of Wonder Woman. And it was awesome.
I’ve written before about how much I like superheroes and that I want my son to grow up liking them too. Which I think will probably happen.
But what if I had a daughter? When I was a kid, the likelihood of a little girl liking superheroes wasn’t great. But I wasn’t a kid in this day and age.
We got rid of cable.
The summer is the perfect time to cancel. We don’t watch reality shows, we don’t watch USA’s oh-so-breezy summer programming…and not much else is on until fall, when, according to the last few commercials I saw, electricty disappears and hack jokes about guys having to be parents – THE HORROR! – are all the rage.
Except for Breaking Bad, there’s not much I can’t wait for.
The stuff I am gonna miss without TV? Sports, filler, and the kids programming. Oh wait, we have plenty of kids programming. No shortage of inane, annoying, loud, bright, anthropomorphized animals and songs about brushing your teeth here.
Finally, a version of The Wire that’s (slightly more) appropriate for my young son.
Click image to see the video.
Click the image for video
It reminds me of Mr. Show’s “Rap! The Musical!” sketch.
I would quote a line from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves here, to indicate the fact that something inevitable has started (“Then it begins…”), except this particular something inevitable started well before today.
Almost as soon as I had my son, my life became subsumed by his existence. I put up a strong front on this blog – my kid won’t change me! I’m still a bad ass rock star (I’m from Connecticut) – but having a kid has changed me, has changed my life, has changed my priorities. Which is fine; to be a good dad, some of that has to happen.
I thought I’d at least been doing okay holding on to my personality. And then I started referring to myself as “Daddy.”