Competition is all the rage in March, what with the NCAA Men’s Basketball tournament and that other thing with women playing sports that ESPN pretends to care about. Every other website posts some March Madness-influenced bracket based around best TV shows, hottest chicks, etc. Someone needs to create a bracket where all the different brackets are pitted against each other.

This weekend adds another competition-based entity to the mix, the Hunger Games flick, which is a remake of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s classic flick The Running Man, I think, just with kids needing to kill-or-be-killed in a lethal arena within some futuristic dystopia (interestingly, Jennifer Lawrence is a top seed in March Hotness too).

All this has got me thinking about how my son would fare in such situations…

March Madness: He seems to love basketball. And he’s growing a ton. But despite all that he’s still only 33 inches tall. Let’s give him a few more years before we contact recruitiers.

March Hotness: Taylor Kitsch knocked off Emma Stone in the first round, despite being the only guy in the tourney. And my son has longer eyelashes much better hair. This one’s a toss-up.

The Hunger Games: He’d be killed instantly. He’s a year and a half old.

(But he’d totally destroy that Renesmee chick from Twilight.)