15 May

Dad and Buried Posted in Health No comments

Worse Than a Baby Ruth

This past weekend, on Mother’s Day, we took the Detective to his second swim class of the year.

It’s his second year in such a class; his first went well so we were looking forward to this one. This year we’ve been twice, and it’s not going quite as well – a year older now, he is a lot more aware of what he’s doing and a lot more aggressive in letting us know when he doesn’t want to be doing it.

We assume he’ll be okay after a few sessions, but such expectations are being thwarted by the fact that the second class was cut short, by something out of Caddyshack.

Are there any candy bars that look like vomit?

08 May

Dad and Buried Posted in Decipherists 2 comments

The Decipherists: Coo-coo

My kid is a babbler. Always has been. Since the day he was born he’s been making noises with his mouth.

At the start there wasn’t much substance to the things he was “saying” – they were the typical ga-gas and wah-wahs and MMMBop sounds that all babies make. But, striver that he is, he has never rested; in his ongoing quest to master the English language, he makes great strides everyday.

Of course, as I said yesterday, children are stupid, and the strides our son has made are great only when compared to other people under two. They’re not all that impressive when compared with, say, Noam Chomsky.

At a year-and-a-half old, while his vocabulary has been growing exponentially, he hasn’t even reached the level of “darndest” yet.

07 May

Dad and Buried Posted in Learning No comments

Children Are Stupid

I was going to start this post by bragging about how smart my kid is, how he’s clearly a genius, blah blah blah… but I realized that even if that were true (it is), you probably would’t believe me.

Such a thing is both difficult to prove (how do you get a kid that can’t even sit still without being strapped down to take an IQ test?) and nearly impossible to demonstrate (the only thing my son does on command is dance, and by “does on command” I mean he will start dancing any minute now whether we say anything or not).

Besides, we all know children are stupid.

Approaching the Terrible Twos

I was under the impression that the Terrible Twos started when the kid actually turns two. Hence the name.

But I think I was wrong.

Because my son is 19 months old, a good half-year away from being two, and things are already getting pretty darn terrible.

26 Apr

Dad and Buried Posted in Learning 3 comments

Has It Come to This?

Before I became a parent, I made a lot of blanket statements about what I would and wouldn’t do should that day come.

At the top of the list? Putting a leash on my child.

A year and a half in, dealing with an unruly toddler who would like nothing more than to run into traffic or down a spiral staircase or into the maws of a giant piece of machinery, I am thisclose to putting the kid in a cat carrier.

And after the incident last weekend, a leash is starting to seem like the most reasonable thing in the world.

Read more about Has It Come to This? …

Dad and Buried

Category: Learning

Worse Than a Baby Ruth

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The Decipherists: Coo-coo

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Children Are Stupid

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Approaching the Terrible Twos

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Has It Come to This?

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