Parental Advisories: Solicitation Wednesday!
06 Feb
Posted in Advice 2 comments

Parental Advisories: Solicitation Wednesday!

Can you do me a favor?

I know: What have I done for you lately? Nothing. And that’s not likely to change anytime soon. Not without your help!

A few months ago, I got so sick of only answering my wife’s questions incorrectly that I wanted to open my idiocy up to the rest of the world. So I started an advice column called “Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed!” because I have a thing for making irrelevant movie references.

Unfortunately, my advice was either so perfect that everyone’s problems were solved, or it was so terrible that no one else wanted to ask me anything. But I forgive you. And I’m giving you another chance.

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Six Ways Kids Ruin Your Life
05 Feb
Posted in Drinking 10,751 comments

Six Ways Kids Ruin Your Life

Having kids changes your life in many ways, and not always good ones.

One of the reasons I started this blog was to vent about the irritating ways my son’s existence has forced me to alter my own and to show the world that having kids doesn’t need to change everything. Yes, becoming a parent definitely changes capital-E Everything, but it doesn’t have to change little-e everything.

So far, Mom and Buried and I have done a pretty good job of maintaining some semblance of our old lives even as the constant, daily, inescapable presence of a (now) toddler has forced us to make certain adjustments. Certain inconvenient and annoying adjustments.

We’ve been doing okay. But we haven’t been able to avoid every headache. Because kids ruin your life.

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Zombie Post: A Commercial Disappointment
04 Feb
Posted in TV 14 comments

Zombie Post: A Commercial Disappointment

Forgive me for not having the energy to come up with an original post today. The Super Bowl took it out of me. Which is weird, since I was practically napping throughout the entire first half. Then Beyoncé showed up to get extravagantly praised (really? her enthusiasm is insane but the halftime show seemed likeRead more about Zombie Post: A Commercial Disappointment[…]

Five Ways Toddlers are Like Ray Lewis
03 Feb
Posted in Sports 81 comments

Five Ways Toddlers are Like Ray Lewis

This will be the first Super Bowl Sunday my son might actually sit still and watch the game for a few minutes. (Probably while getting really angry about Beyonce’s lip-syncing LIKE THE REST OF US.) It will be the 28th Super Bowl I can remember watching that doesn’t include my Dolphins. Ugh.

On the other hand, my wife is a 49ers fan – something about a childhood crush on Steve Young – and since I have nothing against this young San Francisco team (and I hate the Ravens), our house is all-in for the red and gold today.

But there’s no arguing that the big game’s biggest personality – aside from the Harbaugh brothers’ HILARIOUS parents and Colin Kaepernick’s HILARIOUS fashion sense – is former murder suspect and possible deer-killer or deer-lover or deer-eater or deer-sniffer (who understands these PEDs?), Ray Lewis.

I’m not a big fan of the guy, but he’s definitely larger-than-life. And sometimes he reminds me of my son.

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Page Fright
01 Feb
Posted in Fear 6 comments

Page Fright

Somehow it was easier with a baby.

Sure, we were guaranteed multiple trips into his bedroom every night, but when a baby wakes up crying you can cuddle it, feed it, rock it and lay with it until it falls back asleep. Of course that’s not exactly easy, a lot depends on the crankiness of the baby and/or any more serious issues (we escaped the dreaded colic, thank the gods), but it doesn’t require a ton of thought or effort. It’s instinct versus inconvenience.

Toddlers wake up less often but when they do, they’re able to start a conversation. Or worse: make demands.

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