I love my kids, I just hate parenting
My son is not yet two years old, and as we haven’t had him tested yet, we can’t know if he’s got the gay or not. But we can guess.
He loves to dance. He enjoys wrapping scarves around his neck and playing with my wife’s makeup kit. He’s really into stuffed animals and has long eyelashes.
The writing is on the wall.
Read more about What Does Same-Sex Marriage Mean For My Son? …
Interesting cover for the latest Time Magazine. How old is this kid, twenty? I’m not sure what’s more disturbing, the fact that he’s way too old to be breastfeeding or the fact that he’s wearing camo pants. NOT IN MY HOUSE! (I mean the camo pants. The breastfeeding looks kinda fun.)
It’s been a few weeks since I offered up my services as a parent whisperer. Despite my constant ranting against the idea of parental expertise and the superiority complexes of the Other Parent, I still feel confident that I am the one true parenting expert and am better at it than anyone else on earth.
Unfortunately I haven’t had any opportunities to display this prowess, as no one has submitted any questions to my blog’s new advice section.
But I’m no lazybones. So instead of waiting for all of the ill-equipped, terrible, surely-raising-the-next-Hitler-via-their-dumbass-parenting parents out there to email me with questions, I’m making up some of my own. And signing them as only John McClane would.
My kid is a babbler. Always has been. Since the day he was born he’s been making noises with his mouth.
At the start there wasn’t much substance to the things he was “saying” – they were the typical ga-gas and wah-wahs and MMMBop sounds that all babies make. But, striver that he is, he has never rested; in his ongoing quest to master the English language, he makes great strides everyday.
Of course, as I said yesterday, children are stupid, and the strides our son has made are great only when compared to other people under two. They’re not all that impressive when compared with, say, Noam Chomsky.
At a year-and-a-half old, while his vocabulary has been growing exponentially, he hasn’t even reached the level of “darndest” yet.
I was going to start this post by bragging about how smart my kid is, how he’s clearly a genius, blah blah blah… but I realized that even if that were true (it is), you probably would’t believe me.
Such a thing is both difficult to prove (how do you get a kid that can’t even sit still without being strapped down to take an IQ test?) and nearly impossible to demonstrate (the only thing my son does on command is dance, and by “does on command” I mean he will start dancing any minute now whether we say anything or not).
Besides, we all know children are stupid.