06
Dec
Say Uncle!
Saying “I told you so!” is not nice.
It’s not gracious, it’s not kind, and it’s certainly not something people like to hear. But that doesn’t mean it’s not satisfying!
In related news: my brother is having a baby.
Tag: babies
13
Oct
What Your Kids Don’t Know May Kill You
Kids are dumb. Everyone knows that!
It’s not their fault, at least not at first. Everyone is born a blank slate. Kids don’t know anything. It’s our job as parents to clue them in to all of it. Even the obvious stuff.
This isn’t news. Not a single one of us has ever met a baby who could hold a conversation worth a damn.
10
Oct
The Lying Game
Mom and Buried can’t get enough of the seasons.
In winter, she’s all about snow angels and sledding and hot toddies. In summer she treats every sunny day like it’s her last one on earth, and when spring arrives she… mostly bitches about how terrible the weather is because spring is a hoax created by the Chinese to sell air conditioners!
But fall is the worst, because fall means foliage and pumpkin farms and apple-picking and other objectively boring and terrible things that get reclassified as “family traditions!” because without a little rationalizing, we’d all go insane.
11
Sep
The Parenting Perks of New York City
This morning, my wife texted me in a panic because she couldn’t find her membership card to the Staten Island Children’s Museum she wanted to visit with our kids.
Later, she texted me a photo of my 7-month-old at a museum, putting some filth-ridden toy in his mouth, the goofy idiot. I texted back, both to insult my son for being a goofy idiot and to ask at which museum she’d ended up, because I knew she’d never found her membership card.
I also knew that didn’t matter. Because we live in New York City.
28
Jul
Most Annoying Things Parents Say To Other Parents
You know how I feel about other parents. (Not you guys; you guys are the best!)
There’s a reason so many people can’t stand parents. We annoy the childfree because we’re self-absorbed, we forget what life is like for people without kids, what life was like before we had kids, we can’t stop talking about our kids, etc., and we annoy our fellow parents by being judgmental busybodies.
We are all guilty of being the annoying parent, one way or another, and I am no exception. I’m a hypocrite too! But there are some things I just can’t stomach.
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