13 Sep

Dad and Buried Posted in Uncategorized 4 comments

Underrated Milestones

My second kid turned eight months old yesterday. He has a few teeth, we’ve started easing him into baby food (with disastrous results), and he’s looking to crawl any minute, which is going to severely complicate my life and increase my stress level.

Meanwhile, the original kid started first grade last week. He is about to lose a few teeth, tried oysters for the first time over the summer (loved them!), and, most significantly, is dangerously close to being able to read the channel guide, thus preventing me from lying about his shows not being on.

This is all very momentous, obviously, but when do my kids’ developmental milestones start benefiting me?

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09 Sep

Dad and Buried Posted in Uncategorized 13 comments

The Death of Cool Dad

Today, I turn 40.

This used to be a big deal. It used to mean middle age. But I’m not really sweating it. Sure, there are some things I’m disappointed I haven’t accomplished yet (*coughMYBOOKcough*) but 40 is the new 30, so I still have some time.

But there is one thing that bums me out about today’s milestone.

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29 Aug

Dad and Buried Posted in SERIOUS! 9 comments

Parents Are Always Scared

As you may know, my son has a bad tree nut allergy. This means we need an epipen, and epipens recently increased in price by something like 400 percent. Even that scumbag Martin Shkreli is appalled. (That’s not even a joke; he really is.) The one time my son required the use of his epipen, we hesitated, unsure if it was necessary, and didn’t use it. He’s okay, but it was scary. (Turns out we should have used it, and we’d dodged a bullet.)

His allergy is scary. Needing an epipen is scary. The fact that we’ll probably be faced with that exact scenario again some day is scary. But what else is new? Everything about parenting is scary.

I’m always scared, and I bet you are too.

25 Aug

Dad and Buried Posted in Music 3 comments

Who Needs Beat Bugs?

When I found out I was going to be a dad, I had a lot of plans.

Not “this will never happen” stuff or “I’m going to do things the right way! stuff – I knew even before he was born that my pre-parent ideas were unlikely to stand up to reality. But I had a lot of ideas about what I wanted to teach my son, especially when it comes to pop culture stuff I planned to pass down.

Some of them are still pending – I still can’t wait to show my kids The Karate Kid and introduce them to “The Wire” when they’re older – but a few of them have taken hold with Detective Munch already, particularly Star Wars, superheroes, and The Beatles.

So while I appreciate Netflix’s cool new show, I’m happy to say I beat “Beat Bugs” to the punch!

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22 Aug

Dad and Buried Posted in Scary Mommy 10 comments

Bad Dads Make Bad Husbands

The other day, I was left home alone with my two kids. For a few hours I tasted the life of a single parent.

It didn’t work out.

As soon as my wife walked in the door, I put down the baby and picked up the bourbon. I won’t lie: I was drinking to forget — to forget the stress, the scrambling, and the screaming. I had spent a few measly hours managing my kids all by myself, and it was enough to rededicate me to my marriage for another 10 years.

At least.

Dad and Buried

Tag: dads

Underrated Milestones

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Parents Are Always Scared

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