17 Jun

Dad and Buried Posted in discipline One comment

Footprints in the Sand

God is pretty much the most famous dad in the world. Even if he hadn’t had a son, he has a fatherly presence in many people’s lives, offering them support and guidance in their times of need.

The famous “Footprints in the Sand” poem, in which a man sees only one set of footprints in the sand when formerly there were two and subsequently asks God why He abandoned him, is a great example of this. And people love it. It’s a great way of conveying the love and support religious people feel that God provides them.

Of course, if that poem really were written by a dad, it might be a little bit different.

12 Jun

Dad and Buried Posted in discipline One comment

Fun with Discipline

Disciplining your children can be hard. But with the right attitude, disciplining your children can be a laugh riot!

I love putting my son in time-out, not letting him stay up any later, taking things away from him. Not food or shelter or love (I’m an asshole, not a psychopath!), but toys, and TV, and the other little perks of childhood. I don’t do it to instill values or help make him appreciate what he already has. I don’t even do it because he’s so spoiled already that it serves as a nice change of pace.

While those benefits are all well and good, I like depriving my son of the things he wants because it’s funny and it makes me feel better.

[E-card] Weekend Parenting

My weekends used to be sacred. Then I had a kid, and they became his weekends.

Suddenly, every weekend is packed with activities, and play dates, and birthday parties. I have to take my kid to all of them, which leaves hardly any time for bars! But that doesn’t mean I don’t find ways to relax.

I’m usually a pretty attentive father, but weekend parenting requires a slightly different approach.

22 May

Dad and Buried Posted in Lists No comments

Questionable Reasons to Have Kids

A good friend of mine just had his first baby.

Yesterday, in honor of the happy occasion, I pumped the brakes on my signature snark and shared a rare cheesy post, about some of the the unexpected pleasures of fatherhood. Then I went home, told my son to stop doing something, and had this exchange:

“Why?”
“Because I said so!”
“That’s not a reason.”

Needless to say, today I’m back to my old self.

13 May

Dad and Buried Posted in ECard No comments

[E-card] Bite Club

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club. The first rule of Bite Club is you never stop talking about Bite Club.

Seriously, if someone bites you, scream bloody murder and alert everyone in your vicinity! Biting is NOT acceptable, even if you’re just a toddler.

Because I don’t care if you’re Batman: getting bit HURTS.

Dad and Buried

Tag: discipline

Footprints in the Sand

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Fun with Discipline

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[E-card] Weekend Parenting

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Questionable Reasons to Have Kids

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[E-card] Bite Club

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