21 Oct

Dad and Buried Posted in Babies 5 comments

Crock of Ages

This entire blog is dedicated to my attempt at staving off the inevitability of becoming something I hate:

One of those people who is known as a parent first and a person second. One of those people who can’t seem to talk about anything except kids and kid-related stuff. One of those people who goes to bed at 8pm because parenting is so tiring, who stops having fun (read: drinking) because parenting is so all-consuming. One of those people who only listens to kids music, who only watches children’s programming, or who only hangs out with other parents.

Or one of those people who relays his child’s age in months. Today, I failed.

How to Train Your Baby

We leave for a trip in two days. With my baby. I don’t know why either.

My son is going to hit the eight-month mark while we’re on vacation in Ireland. I’m pretty nervous about my son’s first plane ride. Nervous and scared. Mostly that another passenger will get so pissed about my unruly child that he’ll yell at my wife and things will get physical. You know, valid concerns.

We’ve gotten some tips for flying with a baby, things like: try Benadryl, and bring a new toy to distract and confuse him with its newness, distribute pre-emptive goody bags, etc. And we may or may not try these. But there’s one thing we’ve been trying already – conditioning my son for what he’s about to experience, in order to make it easier on both him and ourselves.

I wrote a list about how to train your baby – for vacation and for life.

24 Mar

Dad and Buried Posted in Sacrifice 31 comments

Parents Don’t Deserve Happiness

All babies are created equal. Their parents are not.

Babies are little humans, slowly developing their own personalities and opinions and interests. As clean slates making their way toward self-realization, they deserve the benefit of the doubt and the unencumbered opportunity to reach their fullest potential.

Parents, however, have had their chance. They are adults (give or take every parent ever featured on MTV or VH1) who’ve they lived their lives and are what they are. At some point they decided (give or take every parent ever featured on MTV or VH1) to have a kid. Or two. Or 19. And now they have to live with that decision. They weren’t born parents, they became parents. They chose their lifestyle, they made their beds – and they deserve no quarter.

And no happiness.

08 Mar

Dad and Buried Posted in Drinking 24 comments

Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter Costs a Fortune…

…she already knows.

Last weekend we made the bold move of leaving our baby with a stranger while we went out for a nice dinner with friends. We arranged for her to watch the little guy for four hours, but with travel to and from the restaurant, it ended up being more like five. When we finally got home, I had to shell out a whole bunch of cash to the babysitter.

Going out for a night ended up costing us a small fortune. Oh, and the kid? Slept soundly the entire time the babysitter was there. Obviously.

10 Feb

Dad and Buried Posted in Lists 5 comments

Old Age vs. Parenthood

Over the past five months my life has changed a lot, for obvious, baby-related reasons.

But over the past few years, my life has changed in other ways that have nothing to do with the ill-advised and soul-deadening decision to have a child. I’m talking about things that seem to have more to do with the fact that I am rapidly approaching my 35th birthday than the fact that I’ve added yet another mouth with its own carbon footprint to an overpopulated planet on the verge of extinction.

Problem is, with my life so wrapped up in making sure my baby lives long enough to contribute to and eventually witness the final days of the planet he will help destroy, it isn’t always easy to tell the difference between the changes that are his fault and the changes that are my rapidly deteriorating body’s fault.

So I decided to try and figure out what to blame: old age or parenthood?

Dad and Buried

Tag: drinking

Crock of Ages

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How to Train Your Baby

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Old Age vs. Parenthood

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