I love my kids, I just hate parenting
In a recent post for Lifetime Moms, I mentioned that the issue of my son having “bad influences” – i.e., influences that aren’t his parents – wasn’t one I was expecting to encounter for a while. I expected him to be primarily under the influence of me for the next few years.
And then he met Xander.
And Xander ruined my son’s childhood.
Being a parent is hard.
You start from scratch every day and run until you’re empty, hoping that you’ve made a dent, that you did something right, that one of your lessons actually sticks. One of the intentional ones.
But you won’t know for a while. Not for years, not truly. And the lack of feedback, direct or otherwise, makes the job even harder. It’s impossible to know how well you’re doing and thus it’s very easy to succumb to self-doubt.
This is why judgment from other parents is so obnoxious; it’s redundant. Every decent parent already constantly questions their own parenting.
There’s this intersection where I grew up, not far from my parents’ house, which gives me pause every time I drive through it.
Years ago, right after I got my license, I got into a car accident at that intersection. As I was turning left under the light, I somehow missed one car that hadn’t yet cleared the way. I walked away dazed but unscathed, my mother’s beloved Maxima crumpled up behind me.
When I visit my hometown, I inevitably find myself back at the scene of the crime. It’s impossible to go anywhere worthwhile (i.e., the package store, the bar, the restaurant with all the beer) without crossing that intersection. And every time I drive past it, I recall – if not relive – that accident. And I wonder what I could have done differently. Which isn’t entirely healthy.
It reminds me of being a parent.
Read more about Watching the Detective …
Last night, I watched a movie about parenting. And it was the most terrifying movie I’ve seen in years.
The Babadook is phenomenal. It’s about more than just parenting – grief, depression, guilt, children’s books, insomnia, cockroaches, monsters – but at its core it’s about a single mom trying to raise a difficult child on her own in the aftermath of a tragedy, and the toll it takes on her, her son, and their relationship. Also it’s about a terrifying monster from inside a terrifying children’s book.
It’s probably the best horror movie I’ve seen in years, not least because most of the scares don’t come (solely) from the supernatural but also the psychological (like other favorite Rosemary’s Baby, or maybe Don’t Look Now). I highly recommend it; just try to choose a day when your kids aren’t pissing you off!
You wouldn’t know that The Babadook is about parenting by the title. But what would a movie about parenting be called?
I am not setting out to become the pro-vax parenting blogger. For one thing, I try to keep things light around here, for another, there are plenty of bloggers out there doing a better job than me.
Besides, I’ve only written one post about it!
But with the recent Onion article that caused an uproar on my Facebook page, and the measles outbreak at Disney World all over the news, it’s hard not to have an opinion.
So now I’ve made an image too.