Tag: funny

The Vengeful Wife’s Holiday Gift Guide
15 Dec
Posted in holidays One comment

The Vengeful Wife’s Holiday Gift Guide

Moms, I know you love your kids. But don’t you kind of wish you didn’t have to go through pregnancy to get them? I know you love your husbands too, but isn’t it frustrating that they don’t have to experience the grueling marathon of labor?

Damn right it is.

Mom and Buried is at the tail end of a grueling year, and (after you take into account her irresistible looks) she has no one to blame for it but the guy who knocked her up. I know how hard the last nine months have been on Mom and Buried, so you can’t tell me she wouldn’t love a little revenge. I bet you all would.

This holiday season, you’re in luck!

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The Twelve-Hundred Movies of Christmas
14 Dec
Posted in holidays 6 comments

The Twelve-Hundred Movies of Christmas

My dad loves fantasy movies.

He loves them so much that it doesn’t matter how bad they are, how low-rent the production is, how terrible the cast is or how pitifully stupid they end up being. If there’s a dragon or some magic involved, he’s in. No questions asked.

My wife is the same way with movies about Christmas. And there are a LOT of them.

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Problematic Childhood Misconceptions
11 Dec
Posted in Future No comments

Problematic Childhood Misconceptions

Kids are gullible. And stupid. And loud. And annoying. And lazy. And way too energetic…

Sorry, lost my train of thought for a second.

The point is, kids will believe anything. Believe me, I know; I’ve tested this. Extensively. And I will continue to test it, both to keep verifying my findings like a proper scientist and because lying to children is so damn entertaining!

At least for a while…

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Is Your Child Gifted?
07 Dec
Posted in Future 4 comments

Is Your Child Gifted?

When my son was in preschool, we received an informational packet about how we could get him tested for NYC’s “gifted” programs. We decided not to bother.

Not because we don’t think he’s got potential, but because it just seemed like unnecessary stress for a four-year-old. Besides, if Detective Munch is some kind of supergenius, we’ll find out eventually (and laugh all the way to the bank!)

I’m glad we passed on the testing, because last week I saw an article on PopSugar called “Signs Your Child May Be Gifted” that takes all the guesswork out of determining whether your kid might one day be able to buy you an island*.

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