14 Sep

Dad and Buried Posted in discipline 115 comments

Patiently Waiting for Patience

I like Guns N’ Roses. Appetite For Destruction is one of the best albums of the 80s, and even the bloated Use Your Illusion double album has a lot of great songs on it. If you want, I’ll even defend parts of Chinese Democracy. What’s that? You don’t want? Fine.

As I try to cultivate my son’s appreciation for my favorite music, there is a fair amount of the GnR catalog I will avoid until he’s older. But even the staunchest GnR hater probably enjoys whistling along with “Patience.”

I’ve been trying to teach my son to whistle that tune, which is basically impossible. But it’s not as impossible as teaching him the actual concept of patience.

11 Sep

Dad and Buried Posted in discipline 2,386 comments

Feeding Frenzy

It’s so much easier to be fat.

Okay, maybe it’s not easier to actually BE fat. But it’s definitely easier to GET fat.

And it’s a definitely piece of cake (or three) to let your kids get fat. Feeding them is headache enough even when it’s food they like, but you start putting nutrition into the mix and it becomes [insert hilarious Hunger Games reference here].

It’s so much easier to just let him have the damn french fries again.

Birthday Parlay

I may be a lot of things. I may be 34. I may be a Dolphins fan. I may be the funniest person my wife has ever met.

But I am not a pretender.

So I’m not gonna sit here and pretend the Fins will make the playoffs. I’m not gonna try to convince you I’m hilarious. I’m not gonna deny (anymore) that I’m actually 36. And I’m not gonna pretend I’ve accomplished all the goals I set out for myself.

And I’m not gonna pretend that matters much to me these days either.

Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed – Vol. 5

I’m almost officially two years into my gig as a dad, and I think it’s pretty safe to say I am DOMINATING the category. If this were the Olympics I’d be like the U.S. Women, mostly that chick that shoots them skeets real good.

Seriously, three questions this week! My authority is being recognized!

(Recognize my authority at your own risk, right here.)

06 Sep

Dad and Buried Posted in Drinking 434 comments

Parents Can Have Fun Too

So Snooki had a kid. *Sigh*

Look, there are plenty of people out there who have kids that maybe shouldn’t or maybe don’t want to – maybe don’t even mean to – and end up being great parents anyway. So I’m willing to give this “maybe” the benefit of the doubt. At least for a while.

After all, it’s not my business to judge Snooki’s parenting, and honestly, I have little interest in thinking about this thing you call “Snooki” at all.

Unfortunately she’s already said something that goes against everything this blog stands for. And I don’t truck with that.

Dad and Buried

Tag: humor

Patiently Waiting for Patience

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Feeding Frenzy

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Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed – Vol. 5

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Parents Can Have Fun Too

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