19 Sep

Dad and Buried Posted in Drinking 3 comments

Six Ways Having Kids is Like Not Having Kids

Although I’m a firm believer that having kids doesn’t have to change your life entirely, it definitely does change it. Just not that much, not if you don’t want it to. My blog is proof that you can keep your questionable personality and hateful sense of humor when you become a parent; you just have to try!

I didn’t stop being a sarcastic jerk when my son was born, even though I quite sincerely love him with all my blackened heart. And I didn’t stop drinking, or going out to eat with my wife, or watching the TV shows I like and the sports I love. In many ways, being a dad is a lot like not being one.

I made a list of some of them.

16 Sep

Dad and Buried Posted in Digression One comment

Six Reasons I Like Being Married

September is a busy month for the Buried clan.

My birthday was last week, my son’s was yesterday, and my anniversary is today. Tomorrow, I file for bankruptcy!

There are two reasons this blog exists: my wife and my son, and they are interchangeable. There wouldn’t be one without the other. It’s like the chicken and the egg. Except obviously my wife had to come first. Otherwise I’d have a lot of explaining to do.

So while yesterday I celebrated my son, today I celebrate my wife. Actually, in November I celebrate my wife; on her birthday. But also today. And on Christmas. And Valentine’s Day. And Mother’s Day. And a few random days throughout the year when she doesn’t expect it because if you don’t do that women start complaining that the romance is gone and where is the passion and you used to try harder before we were married and let me stop this right now because I LOVE being married and here are six reasons (in honor of our sixth anniversary!) why.

15 Sep

Dad and Buried Posted in Lists 2 comments

Six Great Things About Being a Dad I Didn’t Expect

Today is my son’s birthday.

This day doubles as the one time a year I allow myself to get a little bit cheesy on my blog, or, if you read my post last year, a lot cheesy. When you write stuff like this, the occasional corrective is a good thing. But don’t get used to it! I do it as a gift to my son, reassurance to the readers out there who think I hate him, and an eff you to my friend Tim who thinks I’m betraying the Dad and Buried mission statement.

Don’t worry Tim, I’ll get back to pretending to hate my kid tomorrow. Especially if the Dolphins lose while I’m at the park cutting his cake.

Today, we celebrate!

13 Sep

Dad and Buried Posted in Advice 4 comments

Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed! – Volume 7

Here’s the thing, people: when I say I’m a parenting expert, I’m being sarcastic. If you’ve read my blog, you know what I think about the idea that anyone can be an “expert” parent. It’s hogwash. It’s all a gamble.

I should have known that my sarcasm might backfire, especially since it’s been happening my entire life. But here we are, with the seventh installment of my advice series, and this time I got a lot of questions. Serious questions. Difficult questions. And I have no choice but to give them a shot.

Just remember, I’m a clown. A buffoon. I’m no more qualified to tell you how to raise your kids than Britney Spears or Dr. Phil. So remember, while some of my responses will likely contain some good ideas and an occasional bit of insight, apply my advice at your own risk. I WRITE JOKES.

Got it? Good. Now let’s go ruin some lives.

11 Sep

Dad and Buried Posted in discipline 2 comments

Concession Stand

Mom and Buried and I spent the weekend enjoying a local music festival. We knew from the start that Detective Munch wouldn’t be accompanying us to the many night-time shows, but – because we wanted him to experience some live music, which he loves – we took some of the daytime events.

On Saturday, we went to the less interesting (read: bluegrass) bands that were playing outside somewhere, rather than inside some dank dive bar my son couldn’t get into. It worked out okay; the kid got to dance and interact with dogs and strangers and we got to have a beer or two while doing our best to prevent our son from getting bit by disgruntled dogs and strangers.

It’s called compromise, and it’s part of being a parent. But on the eve of his third birthday, it’s time for my kid to start holding up his end of the bargain.

Dad and Buried

Tag: toddlers

Six Ways Having Kids is Like Not Having Kids

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Six Reasons I Like Being Married

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Six Great Things About Being a Dad I Didn’t Expect

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Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed! – Volume 7

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Concession Stand

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