Smack Balk

Smack Balk

Sometimes watching sports and being a (good) parent is a tough combination. Especially when you’re a Dolphins fan.

I don’t have much to cheer for these days, but I do have plenty to cheer against (primarily the Patriots, Jets, and Bills). Unfortunately, there’s a five-year-old around most of the time, which makes talking smack about my rivals a lot harder.

But I think I may have found a solution. Thank God Detective Munch can’t read!

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Baby Item Wish List

Baby Item Wish List

My wife’s friends are throwing her a sprinkle, which is both the name of a smaller, not-your-first-kid baby shower and a word I will spend the rest of my life trying to avoid saying.

As one does when generous friends plan to ease the stress and expense of preparing for a major life-changing event, my wife has started a registry. I have not seen this registry, and I may never see it. I may even be fabricating the fact that she even started one. I haven’t been paying attention.

Regardless, I decided to write a baby item wish list of things I think we need for baby #2, some of which are obvious, some of which are outlandish, and a few of which don’t actually exist.

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Brand Awareness

Brand Awareness

If you follow my social accounts (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram), you may remember a photo shoot my son and I did with Dove Men+ Care back in February. We had a lot of fun that day, and despite the fact that in one of the photos I’m pretending to play a guitar that I wouldn’t be able to play even if it were actually plugged in, I’m not even being sarcastic!

How could I be, when Detective Munch looked so amazing in the resulting photos? We’re talking peak Andrew McCarthy, in the St. Elmo’s Pretty Mannequin at Bernie’s era.

I left that shoot thinking it might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship, and then they sent me a package of hair products. Ouch! Don’t they know the new baby stress is making me lose my hair?
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Antihero Worship

Antihero Worship

Everybody likes a good hero, right? Especially kids.

Back in my day, I searched the skies for Superman, pretended I was a Jedi, and even wrote a school paper about how much I admired my dad. When I became a father, I was excited for my son to find his own heroes.

I just didn’t expect them to be the bad guys.

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Guy Anxiety 2: Electric Boogaloo

Guy Anxiety 2: Electric Boogaloo

I have a lot of stuff on my mind, lately, most of which revolves around the forthcoming arrival of my second child.

We are about the enter the final trimester, and as we cross that checkpoint, shit is getting real. We just moved to a bigger place in order to make room for both the baby and for all the attendant baby gear we’re going to need. In fact, we’ve already started accumulating some of it.

And yet all the baby stuff that has begun filling up our physical space is nothing compared to the baby stuff that’s been filling up my head space.

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