Toy Story

Toy Story

There are a lot of children’s stories about toys that yearn to become real. There’s the classic Disney flick Pinocchio, the melancholy children’s book “The Velveteen Rabbit” and the heartwarming and erotic Mannequin, starring silver-screen legend Andrew McCarthy.

These stories are all aimed at children, though some seem more appropriate for really, really dumb children (Mannequin). And there are plenty more in this vein. Oddly, there aren’t many toy-based stories for adults (unless you count porn).

But the lack of such stories for grown-ups makes sense. As a parent, it’s not often that I wish one of my son’s toys would become real, though it would be fun to pummel the life out of a flesh-and-blood Elmo.

On the other hand, I do occasionally wish my son would become a toy. At least there’d be less shit to clean up.

Read more about Toy Story

Eye of the Toddler: Using Your Kids to Stay in Shape

Eye of the Toddler: Using Your Kids to Stay in Shape

Kids are stress-inducing.

Unfortunately, they’re also time-consuming, which makes it difficult to alleviate your stress, and stay healthy, via the time-tested method of exercise. If you don’t have time, you probably aren’t going to bother shelling out for a gym membership you’ll rarely use. And good luck with trying to use that treadmill you bought during his nap; if there’s a louder piece of equipment this side of the drum-kit my in-laws bought my son, I haven’t come across it.

What’s a parent to do?!

Don’t fret; I have a solution! Like Rocky in Siberia (actually, it was filmed in Krasnogourbinsk, but come on), you have to work with what you’ve got. In this case, what you’ve got are kids.

Luckily, they’re even better than a Bowflex!

Read more about Eye of the Toddler: Using Your Kids to Stay in Shape

%d bloggers like this:
e9afe31c5a7577fdf2fc8f15bd5008856c363ba4adcd73a03f