16
Dec
Welcome to the Christmas Party, Pal!
I’m not going to have the “is DIE HARD a Christmas movie” debate because there is no debate.
DIE HARD IS 100% A CHRISTMAS MOVIE.
Tag: Christmas
13
Dec
The Perfect Gift
I am not the world’s best gift-giver. Not by a longshot.
But one Christmas, when we were still dating, I got my wife the perfect gift.
It’s been downhill ever since.
08
Dec
Drum Major
Christmas is coming, which gives us all a chance to show our families and friends how much we love them through the joyful act of giving, and receiving, gifts.
It also allows the cruel and vindictive people in our lives to torture us by gleefully providing our children with terrible, terrible toys, whether they’re loud, include hundreds of tiny pieces, require hours of manual labor to assemble, or are just plain annoying.
Sometimes, we parents even do it to ourselves, because indulging our kids is part of the deal. But even so, that doesn’t mean we can’t hold a grudge against the people who created some of these infernal toys to begin with. Which is what I’m about to do.
05
Jan
Sympathy Pain
My wife is pregnant. Capital-P pregnant. Like, nearly ten months, ready to burst, hating life, “why did I do this?” pregnant.
I am not pregnant. But, out of solidarity, I spent the holidays doing my best to make it seem like I was. Because I’m a good husband.
And a stupid idiot.
15
Dec
The Vengeful Wife’s Holiday Gift Guide
Moms, I know you love your kids. But don’t you kind of wish you didn’t have to go through pregnancy to get them? I know you love your husbands too, but isn’t it frustrating that they don’t have to experience the grueling marathon of labor?
Damn right it is.
Mom and Buried is at the tail end of a grueling year, and (after you take into account her irresistible looks) she has no one to blame for it but the guy who knocked her up. I know how hard the last nine months have been on Mom and Buried, so you can’t tell me she wouldn’t love a little revenge. I bet you all would.
This holiday season, you’re in luck!