On the eve of my son’s birth, I’ve been thinking a lot about my parenting style, and which lessons I want to impart to my heir. Basically, WWCTD: What Would Coach Taylor Do?
There are a lot of horrible children out there, and most of the blame obviously lies with videogames and Marilyn Manson and Avatar-related depression. But some of it lies with their parents. I am not going to be one of those parents whose kid is a loser. My son is going to dominate. But he can’t do it on his own, so I’ve come up with a list of ten values that will serve as a guideline for him as he grows up.
To make sure he toes the line and doesn’t defy me, I’ve included a video counterpoint with each lesson on the list. That way, should he feel himself straying, he’ll be able to recognize the signs. Check out the list after the jump.
Dad and Buried’s Top 10 Life Lessons
1 – Self-confidence
Believe in yourself, kid, because if you don’t, no one else will. Be confident, and don’t let yourself get pushed around; I’m not raising no pussy. But remember: self-confidence doesn’t mean you actually have to be a tough guy, you just have to think that nobody’s tougher than you and never back down, even if you occasionally get your face broken as a result. Every pussy-hound knows that nothing turns a chick on more than self-confidence.
Counterpoint:
2 – Respect for Women
Now Son, remember: just because I used the word “pussy” a lot in my last lesson doesn’t mean I don’t respect women. Women are the greatest. Treat them well. Especially your mom. But don’t go idolizing your mom so much that you get a complex. If that starts to happen, just bang some slut real quick to cleanse the palate. But never, EVER marry the slut. Here endeth the lesson.
Counterpoint:
3 – Respect for Elders
For the first thirty years of your life, your elders will dominate. And they should; they’ve earned it. So what if they can’t use a computer as well as you or don’t listen to the same music? They have experience and with experience comes wisdom; you can learn from them. Then, after you’ve soaked up everything they have to teach you, put them in a home. Win-win.
Counterpoint:
4 – Independence
Be your own man. Don’t succumb to peer pressure. Being yourself is about the only thing you can control in this world, and if you maintain your self-confidence and stay true to yourself, you’ll be a winner in my book. Unless you’re an outcast. In that case save the originality for college and start blending. My son ain’t gonna be some friendless loser. If that starts to happen, just bang some slut real quick and watch your stock skyrocket!
Counterpoint:
5 – Moderation
There are a lot of temptations out there: video games, fast food, alcohol, drugs, sex. I’m not about to tell you to abstain, abstain, abstain. That’s the Pope’s job, and it’s obsolete. The trick is to know you’re limits and dabble. Just dabble. When you get to college, go a little overboard, and when you get to old age, go berserk. But in between? Dabble your ass off. With a condom.
Counterpoint:
6 – Sense of Humor
Having a healthy sense of humor is the key to enjoying life. Don’t take everything so seriously, you hump, and you’ll enjoy things a lot more. Plus, chicks love a funny guy. So remember: self-confidence, balls, and always make ’em laugh. Trust me. You’ll be swimming in it.
Counterpoint:
7 – Kindness and Honesty
I’m on the fence about this one. Nice people are either boring as shit or obnoxious as hell and potentially Evangelical, which actually means they are kind of evil. Honest people don’t exist. You can try to be the first, but nobody likes a Boy Scout. That doesn’t mean you should be a constant liar and raging prick; you have to pick your spots. Sometimes you have to lie to be nice and sometimes being honest means hitting somebody where it hurts. It’s a sticky wicket. Also, none of these rules apply when it comes to scoring chicks. All’s fair! So lie your ass off or die alone.
Counterpoint (not really though):
8 – Optimism Realism
Life’s a bitch. It’s not about expecting the best, or seeing things as half full. It’s about perceiving things as they actually are, finding the person responsible, and making them pay. Look, nothing breeds a sunny outlook like positive results, so sure, when things are going your way, think positive all you want. But when things get shitty, don’t just smile and expect the best. Go out and get yours.
Counterpoint:
9 – Courage
Don’t be stupid. But don’t be scared, either. Because if there’s one thing besides self-confidence and a good sense of humor and money and good looks and a large penis and a nice car and money that chicks notice, it’s balls. So flash yours every once in a while, but only when the time is right. Don’t give in to dares, that’s just macho BS. But do get in the occasional fight. Bottom line is, use common sense, but don’t be afraid of pain. Life is pain. And pain don’t hurt.
Counterpoint:
10 – Loyalty
Stay true to your friends. There will be a lot of opportunities to ditch them, especially when you’re a kid. Maybe it’s because a girl doesn’t like one of them. Maybe it’s because one of them smells really bad. Maybe it’s because one of them keeps almost getting you arrested. Maybe it’s because one of them just got beat up on the beach by an Aryan demigod. And in those four cases, yes, it’s absolutely okay to ditch them. But the rest of the time you probably shouldn’t. Especially if one of them has rich parents.
Counterpoint –
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경기도 안양출장마사지 셀럽의 코스와 가격, 자택·호텔 방문 상담, 선입금 없는 예약 및 현장 결제 기준을 확인하세요. 방문 가능 여부와 예상 도착 시간은 주소와 당일 일정에 따라 안내합니다.
인천출장마사지 인천출장안마 셀럽의 코스별 가격과 현장 결제, 예약 방법을 확인하세요. 송도·청라·부평·구월동·영종 등 지역별 방문 가능 여부와 예상 도착 시간, 자택·호텔 이용 안내를 제공합니다.
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늑대닷컴을 검색하며 궁금했던 웹툰 정보와 작품 찾는 방법을 정리했습니다. 연재·완결 구분, 무료 회차와 미리보기 차이, 주소 정보 확인 기준, 모바일 이용 팁과 자주 묻는 질문을 확인하세요.
밤토끼가 어떤 사이트였는지, 과거 이력과 현재 검색 정보를 구분하는 방법을 정리했습니다. 예전에 보던 웹툰 찾기, 공식 연재처 확인, 무료 회차와 대여·소장 차이, 자주 묻는 질문까지 한 번에 확인하세요.
포항오피 검색어의 맥락과 온라인 정보 확인 기준을 정리했습니다. 광고성 표현과 후기의 출처, 게시물의 최신성, 개인정보 보호 방법, 포항 공공정보와 자주 묻는 질문을 확인하세요.
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부산여성전용마사지 부산토닥이 드디어 부산 상륙 NO.1 부산 최대 규모 관리사들 항시 대기중 24시 연중무휴
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여기여 주소모음 | 링크모음·최신주소 확인 가이드 여기여 주소모음과 링크모음의 의미부터 분야별 사이트 바로가기, 최신주소 확인 방법까지 안내합니다. 접속 오류 점검, 모바일 이용법, 자주 묻는 질문을 확인하고 필요한 서비스를 찾아보세요.
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강남출장마사지 셀럽의 코스와 가격, 예약 방법을 확인하세요. 서울 강남구 역삼동·삼성동·논현동·신사동·압구정동·청담동·대치동·도곡동·개포동·수서동 등 주소별
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경기도 구리출장마사지 셀럽의 코스와 가격, 자택·호텔 방문 상담, 선입금 없는 예약 및 현장 결제 기준을 확인하세요. 방문 가능 여부와 예상 도착 시간은 주소와
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익숙한 일상에 새로운 취향을 더하는 여기여. 감각적인 공간과 다채로운 이야기, 오래 기억할 발견을 만나보세요. 나만의 속도로 머물며 당신에게 어울리는 특별한 순간을 찾아갑니다.
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주소콘에서 필요한 사이트를 분야별로 살펴보세요. 뉴스, 커뮤니티, 영상, 웹툰, 쇼핑, 생활 정보와 온라인 도구를 찾는 방법부터 주소 확인, 즐겨찾기 관리, 접속 오류 해결까지 안내합니다. 목적에 맞는 링크를 고르고 더 편리하게 이용하세요.
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주소콘에서 필요한 웹사이트 주소를 쉽고 빠르게 찾아보세요. 분야별 주소모음과 링크모음, 주소찾기 방법부터 변경된 주소 확인, 안전한 링크 확인 방법까지 한눈에 살펴볼 수 있습니다.
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소액결제현금화(휴대폰깡·모바일깡)의 뜻과 수법, 정보통신망법 위반 처벌 수위, 실제 처벌 사례와 이용자 피해, 급전 필요 시 합법 대안까지 정리했습니다.
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광주호빠를 찾는 분을 위한 광주광역시 예약 안내. 라운지 분위기, 인원별 공간 선택, 가격 상담, 첫 방문 준비와 자주 묻는 질문을 확인하고 원하는 일정에 맞춰 문의
대밤·대구의밤을 찾는 분들을 위한 대구 지역 정보. 동성로·수성못·동대구역·달서구의 저녁 여가와 지역별 특징, 후기 비교 기준, 가격·운영시간·교통 확인사항 및 자주 묻는 질문을 살펴보세요.
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