17 Dec

Dad and Buried Posted in Drinking 2 comments

Christmas Shift

Is there anything more annoying than asking your parents what they want for Christmas and hearing them say, “For you and your brothers to get along”?

Yes, there is. Asking them what they want for Christmas and hearing them say, “Nothing.”

Even more annoying? Asking your kid what he wants for Christmas and not being to hear anything over the ensuing filibuster. Seriously, I just walked out of the room and I can still hear my three-year-old rattling off items from his list.

Kids want everything, adults want nothing. Thankfully, when you have children of your own, it kind of balances out.

My Son is a Con Artist

I used to question my son’s commitment to good manners, and my own ability to teach them. I figured some of it is my kid’s fault – something I’m not shy about admitting – and some of it is mine and Mom and Buried’s (but mostly mine, of course).

It’s easy to agonize over how well you’re instilling this stuff, until you realize what toddlers already know:

Manners are bullshit.

06 Dec

Dad and Buried Posted in Future One comment

The Parents’ Passive-Aggressive Holiday Gift Guide

As you know, I have a son. He’s three years old and I love him to death. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me that I occasionally wish had never happened to me.

This Christmas is the first time he really, truly gets it, to the point that he actively flips through circulars and points at the toys he wants added to his list (two years ago I wrote about the gifts he won’t be getting). We’re going to give him a good Christmas, and he’ll get more than he needs, much more than he deserves, and nowhere near as much as he wants.

All I want in return is a smile and some laughter and a lot less screaming. And, because I’m petty and small, I wouldn’t mind if he experienced a little bit of the frustration that the holiday season brings me.

With that in mind, I put together a list of items you can get for your young children that will give you as much joy as Christmas gives them by giving them as much aggravation as your kids sometimes give you.

25 Nov

Dad and Buried Posted in discipline 2 comments

Lay-Z Boy

I don’t think I became lazy until I was a teenager. My toddler, however, has mastered it at three.

It’s a very selective laziness. He’s off the wall with energy most of the time, i.e., when you’re trying to get through the security line at the airport and he decides he wants to pretend to be The Flash; but when it’s time for him to actually do something? He’s less active than most of the people who work security at the airport.

Of course, if I had someone willing to carry me around everywhere, I’m pretty sure I’d let my legs atrophy until they melted off, so who am I to talk?

Dress Road

This morning I helped my son get dressed for school.

It involved choosing superhero underwear (Green Lantern), choosing a superhero shirt (Batman), putting on superhero socks (Spider-man) and tying on a superhero cape (an inexplicably sparkly and inexplicably yellow Batman cape, which he was unhappily forced to take off before leaving the house).

It won’t be long before Detective Munch doesn’t need my help getting dressed or tying his cape on, which would be a little sad, if helping him put his clothes on didn’t usually devolve into a wrestling match at the end of which I need help tying something on (i.e., 500 beers). But that day hasn’t come yet.

Thankfully, there are a few steps before we get there.

Dad and Buried

Category: Future

Christmas Shift

Like this:

My Son is a Con Artist

Like this:

The Parents’ Passive-Aggressive Holiday Gift Guide

Like this:

Lay-Z Boy

Like this:

Dress Road

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this: