Ten Ways My Son is like Jesus

Ten Ways My Son is like Jesus

Everybody thinks their kid is God’s gift, but I’ve compiled a list of proof that my son actually is!

Read it and weep (at the feet of your new overlord).

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Fine. I’ll Give Some Thanks.

Fine. I’ll Give Some Thanks.

I’m not really the thankful type.

That’s not to say I’m not thankful for things, I’m just not the kind of guy that runs around telling people what I’m thankful for or how blessed I am.

But Thanksgiving is the one day a year even people like me are supposed to gush a bit. So here goes nothing!

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10 Ways Having Kids is Like Writing a List About Things That Are Like Having Kids

10 Ways Having Kids is Like Writing a List About Things That Are Like Having Kids

I’ve been writing a lot of lists lately.

As a result, my friend at AskYourDadBlog – a far nicer, far more successful, far more irritating outfit – thought he’d be clever and insult my recent rash of list-making by suggesting a new one, called “10 Ways Having Kids is Like Writing a List About Things That Are Like Having Kids.”

Joke’s on him though, because I DID it. And it’s glorious. And it fills me with (more) self-loathing.

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Toddlers and Bullies Have a Lot in Common

Toddlers and Bullies Have a Lot in Common

As both a Miami Dolphins fan and a not-exactly-physically-imposing writer type, I am really torn on this whole bullying scandal.

Bullying is deplorable, and, despite being raised in an era (not all that long ago, really) when the default suggestion for dealing with bullies was to fight back and expose the bully as the coward he truly is, fighting fire with fire is no longer an acceptable tactic. But judging what goes on in a football locker rooms by the same standards with which we judge “the real world” is a little insane. I’m not defending Richie Incognito’s actions, but context is important, and I don’t think we have all of it. It’s impossible for non-football players to understand what it’s like in that environment, but I am relatively certain it’s less like your cubicle farm and more like The Hunger Games.

That said, I always find it obnoxious and condescending when someone tells me I can’t possibly know what something is like because I haven’t experienced it. And then I thought about parenting. And I realized most parents take the same attitude with non-parents, and it’s equally obnoxious and condescending.

But that doesn’t make it false. And the inability of outsiders to fully understand what the day-to-day is like is just one of the ways parenting a toddler is like being on the Miami Dolphins.

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Hilarious Things to Say to Someone Who Only Has One Kid

Hilarious Things to Say to Someone Who Only Has One Kid

Mom and Buried and I only have one kid. Which makes us worse than all those parents who have more than one. Truly. We’re worse parents AND worse people.

At least we’re still better than all those people out there with NO kids! Am I right?

The fact is, having one kid is so easy it’s a joke. It’s pretty much exactly like having zero kids, except you actually have the one kid. Thankfully, one kid barely even registers in your life.

I’m a stay-at-home dad but since I only have one kid I’m really just a stay-at-home guy. I basically sit on my ass at home all day. Sometimes, I forget my son is even there! I honestly don’t know where he is right now, but I’m sure he’s fine. He’s just one person. He can handle himself.

I don’t know why only children even have parents.

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