I love my kids, I just hate parenting
They supposedly have all these rules and restrictions about who can and can’t vote. But this is America: We don’t make rules. We break them.
And so my son totally got his vote on this morning, and I have the picture to prove it.
Every morning, when we ask my son what he wants to wear today, he says “Gabba!”
Every day. No matter that we’re deep into fall and his “Yo Gabba Gabba” shirt has short sleeves. He wants to wear it every day. I kind of suspect that he thinks “Gabba” means “clothes.”
“What do you want to wear today?”
“Clothes!”
“You got it, kid!”
But this Halloween, we took him at his word and went one further with his request. He wore a full-fledged DJ Lance Rock costume.
In this age of iPods and Spotify, maybe you don’t remember Maxell. This should jog your memory: MomandBuried and I were bored on a rainy day, and the kid was unusually cooperative. Besides, he was already sitting in his easy chair; it had to happen. Unfortunately he’d already finished his martini.
You owe it to yourself to humiliate your children.
When they’re older they’ll do it to themselves, whether they like it or not. It’s totally inevitable that at some point in their lives our children will be the focus of widespread ridicule as the result of some embarrassing miscue, whether it’s accidentally going into the girls’ bathroom or clumsily tripping on stage as they reach for their diploma or someone filming a video of them when they’re so drunk their attempts at speech sound like Chewbacca making love to the Hulk.
It’ll happen. Just as it’s happened to all of us. Until it does, it’s your job. And it must be done.
If you’ve ever raised a baby, you know how the presence of an infant can transform your home into something like Arkham Asylum. It’s just constant chaos, noise, paranoia and catatonia, and I haven’t even mentioned the food and feces that litter the walls, floor and your clothes. But hey, it’s all worth it once they grow up to be ungrateful money grubbers who show you no respect!
Dealing with a baby is hard. Dealing with a crying, frantic, fussy baby is hell on earth. And even just a few weeks in, I’ve learned a few tricks for making life with a baby just a little more tolerable.