I love my kids, I just hate parenting
Detective Munch has been the VIP of my family for the last five years.
He’s the only grandchild my parents have, the only nephew my brothers have, and the only kid Mom and Buried and I have. As such, he’s been living the high life, as the center of attention, the sole attraction, the primary beneficiary. And, mostly, as the getter of the leeway.
But his gravy train is about to crash.
You love animals, right?
Of course you do, because who doesn’t love animals? (Mom and Buried!) Of course, there’s a difference between loving animals and devoting your life to them, and I wish someone had told me that before I became a parent, because what are young children but animals without fur?
That’s why I relate to this month’s 1 in 100 Million video. Being a parent and being a zookeeper aren’t all that different.
But don’t take my word for it.
Moms, I know you love your kids. But don’t you kind of wish you didn’t have to go through pregnancy to get them? I know you love your husbands too, but isn’t it frustrating that they don’t have to experience the grueling marathon of labor?
Damn right it is.
Mom and Buried is at the tail end of a grueling year, and (after you take into account her irresistible looks) she has no one to blame for it but the guy who knocked her up. I know how hard the last nine months have been on Mom and Buried, so you can’t tell me she wouldn’t love a little revenge. I bet you all would.
This holiday season, you’re in luck!
I’m no stranger to giving passive-aggressive gifts to subtly – or not – display my true feelings.
But my in-laws don’t play.
Thanks to the gift they got for my son, Christmas will be a not-so-silent night this year.
My wife loves when our son sleeps in our bed.
It’s tight, he inevitably chooses some weird, awkward position that usually involves one of his feet in her face or my crotch, but she loves it. Even when his presence makes any actual sleep totally impossible and leaves her completely exhausted the next day.
If I’m being honest, I love it too. Because I know it’s not going to last.