29 Mar

Dad and Buried Posted in Fear 5,191 comments

I Learned It By Watching Someone Else!

My son is at the age where he’s constantly imitating his parents, which is cute, but could eventually get problematic, especially once he can really talk. My wife and I haven’t yet gotten the hang of the whole “we’re role models” aspect of parenting and we swear like sailors (foul-mouthed sailors.) So I worry that our son is going to pick up some bad habits.

That said, I’m not letting some snot-nosed little kid change my personality/behavior/way of life. I mean, I’m like ten times his size and a LOT smarter. A LOT SMARTER. I could literally throw him in the cabinet under the sink and go watch March Madness all day while wearing a beer helmet and he couldn’t do a thing about it. He can’t work latches! So no, I’m not changing for some mush-mouthed nincompoop, not after working my ass off all week long. I’ve gotta live my life too, junior!

But I still want him to grow up right, just without, ya know, working hard at raising him. So, as we Americans do, I sought out a short-cut. And I found one, in television.

28 Mar

Dad and Buried Posted in Shut Up 403 comments

Sweeney Toddler

My son is not going to prom anytime soon. He’s not applying for any jobs, he’s not running for office, he’s not playing for the Yankees.

There is simply no reason for him to get a haircut right now.

So why does everyone want him to?

The Hunger Games: Toddler-Style

Competition is all the rage in March, what with the NCAA Men’s Basketball tournament and that other thing with women playing sports that ESPN pretends to care about. Every other website posts some March Madness-influenced bracket based around best TV shows, hottest chicks, etc. Someone needs to create a bracket where all the different brackets are pitted against each other.

This weekend adds another competition-based entity to the mix, the Hunger Games flick, which is a remake of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s classic flick The Running Man, I think, just with kids needing to kill-or-be-killed in a lethal arena within some futuristic dystopia (interestingly, Jennifer Lawrence is a top seed in March Hotness too).

All this has got me thinking about how my son would fare in such situations…

14 Mar

Dad and Buried Posted in Movies 2 comments

The Rarer Sex: Suddenly She More?

Changes come in clumps. I’m probably not alone when I tell you that several of my friends got married right around the same time as I did, and subsequently had their first kids right around the same time I did and, eventually, will get divorced around the same time I do.

Such is how the world turns, and now is the time on Sprockets when people have their second child, should they choose to do so. My wife and I have not yet made a choice one way or the other – though we were considering the pros and cons almost immediately after we had Kid #1.

The jury remains out for us. But if we do have a second, my wife would love a daughter.

So much so that I would not be surprised to see her attempt to shove a second son back in.

13 Mar

Dad and Buried Posted in Fear 4 comments

Teenagers Are the Worst

My son is perfect. He’s super cute, he’s a total genius, he says “thank you,” and he has a killer long ‘do.

I mean, I know he’s not actually perfect, but he’s perfect to me. And while I never expected the rumors to be true, that this is how I would feel about my child once I became a father, they 100% are: I LOVE MY SON AND I DON’T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!

It’s too bad I’ll eventually hate his guts.

Dad and Buried

I Learned It By Watching Someone Else!

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Sweeney Toddler

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The Hunger Games: Toddler-Style

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The Rarer Sex: Suddenly She More?

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Teenagers Are the Worst

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