22
Jul
A Hard Night’s Night
Nothing is more joyous than getting your kids to bed for the night.
Unfortunately, when their bedtime routine is finally completed, you’re usually too spent to take advantage.
Tag: dads
20
Jul
My Kid Hates Me Already
Even before I became a dad, I knew my kid was going to hate me someday.
At some point, probably somewhere around his 13th or 14th birthday, I’ll become Public Enemy #1. There’s no avoiding it; it’s biology! Most of us “hated” our parents when we were teens, for reasons both real and imagined (mostly imagined) and motivated by hormones, a need for independence, and, occasionally, outright shitty parents.
Now we’re the parents. The turntables have turned, and we’re going to be hated the same way we “hated” (your use of quotation marks may vary) our moms and dads.
I’m ready for it. I just didn’t expect it to happen so soon.
16
Jul
Cruel to the KIND
I was supposed to keep track.
I was supposed to tally all the miles I walked with Detective Munch and Mom and Buried, as part of the “KINDMilesMatter” campaign. But I blew it. Rather, my son blew it.
Because kids ruin everything.
15
Jul
Horoscopes for Parents
I don’t believe in astrology. That’s probably because I’m a Virgo.
I’m sick of looking at stupid fortunes based on whether your folks got it on on New Year’s Eve, Valentine’s, or Bastille Day. They are vague to the point of meaninglessness. But I guess they can be kind of fun, like fortune cookies.
I just wish they were more specific to my role as a parent.
14
Jul
Attention Whore
There are a lot of things kids aren’t: cooperative, obedient, quiet, funny.
But enough negativity! Today, I want to talk about what kids are.
Kids are annoying. They need so much attention!