14 Dec

Dad and Buried Posted in discipline 3 comments

How To Control Your Children

Earlier this week I wrote about the ways my son is my puppet master. He often literally controls my body, forcing me to watch what he wants to watch, go where he wants to go, dance when he wants to dance, etc. It can be frustrating.

But I’m an adult and he’s a toddler. So while he gets a fair amount of leeway, since he’s both the cutest child of all time and the likely future of humanity (or its ruin, as indicated by the shadow he’s casting in this photo), he is really only able to control me when I let him control me.

Otherwise, I control him.

10 Dec

Dad and Buried Posted in discipline 5 comments

The Papa Master: Five Ways My Kid Controls Me

Nobody wants their kids to run their lives.

Mom and Buried and I are doing a pretty good job of preventing our little tyrant from eliminating all of our free time (i.e., our drinking) and running roughshod all over our social lives (i.e., our drinking with friends), but, fantastic parents that we are, we still spend a lot of time with our son, doing what he wants. Or what we think he needs. Or what we think he’s saying he wants (he still doesn’t do English so good).

And while we do our best to have separate identities other than just “Mom” and “Dad,” there are still times he has control of our lives. And, in some cases, our bodies.

11 Oct

Dad and Buried Posted in discipline 2 comments

And the Hits Just Keep On Coming

On Tuesday I wrote about the possibility of hitting my son.

Mostly because, lately, he won’t seem to stop hitting me!

14 Sep

Dad and Buried Posted in discipline 7 comments

Patiently Waiting for Patience

I like Guns N’ Roses. Appetite For Destruction is one of the best albums of the 80s, and even the bloated Use Your Illusion double album has a lot of great songs on it. If you want, I’ll even defend parts of Chinese Democracy. What’s that? You don’t want? Fine.

As I try to cultivate my son’s appreciation for my favorite music, there is a fair amount of the GnR catalog I will avoid until he’s older. But even the staunchest GnR hater probably enjoys whistling along with “Patience.”

I’ve been trying to teach my son to whistle that tune, which is basically impossible. But it’s not as impossible as teaching him the actual concept of patience.

24 Aug

Dad and Buried Posted in Lists 2 comments

Parenting Skills I Wish I Didn’t Have

When you become a parent, you suddenly need to learn a whole new set of skills.

You’ll be doing things you never thought possible, things for which your pre-baby life never prepared you. The good news is you’ll pick them up pretty quickly. The bad news is that this particular set of skills changes you. It’s impossible to be a halfway decent mom or dad without becoming a slightly lamer person. The evolution is both impressive and soul-crushing.

Many of the skills I’ve acquired are quite useful and, without them, I’d be adrift as a parent. Skills like diaper-changing and baby-holding and swaddling and so on.

Unfortunately, many more of them are skills I wish I hadn’t acquired. Because while they may make me a better parent, they also take me further and further away from my pre-parent self.

Dad and Buried

Tag: discipline

How To Control Your Children

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The Papa Master: Five Ways My Kid Controls Me

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And the Hits Just Keep On Coming

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Patiently Waiting for Patience

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Parenting Skills I Wish I Didn’t Have

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