20 Jul

Dad and Buried Posted in Drinking 3 comments

My Kid Hates Me Already

Even before I became a dad, I knew my kid was going to hate me someday.

At some point, probably somewhere around his 13th or 14th birthday, I’ll become Public Enemy #1. There’s no avoiding it; it’s biology! Most of us “hated” our parents when we were teens, for reasons both real and imagined (mostly imagined) and motivated by hormones, a need for independence, and, occasionally, outright shitty parents.

Now we’re the parents. The turntables have turned, and we’re going to be hated the same way we “hated” (your use of quotation marks may vary) our moms and dads.

I’m ready for it. I just didn’t expect it to happen so soon.

16 Jul

Dad and Buried Posted in Drinking 3 comments

Cruel to the KIND

I was supposed to keep track.

I was supposed to tally all the miles I walked with Detective Munch and Mom and Buried, as part of the “KINDMilesMatter” campaign. But I blew it. Rather, my son blew it.

Because kids ruin everything.

Horoscopes for Parents

I don’t believe in astrology. That’s probably because I’m a Virgo.

I’m sick of looking at stupid fortunes based on whether your folks got it on on New Year’s Eve, Valentine’s, or Bastille Day. They are vague to the point of meaninglessness. But I guess they can be kind of fun, like fortune cookies.

I just wish they were more specific to my role as a parent.

14 Jul

Dad and Buried Posted in Movies 2 comments

Attention Whore

There are a lot of things kids aren’t: cooperative, obedient, quiet, funny.

But enough negativity! Today, I want to talk about what kids are.

Kids are annoying. They need so much attention!

The Ultimate Weight Loss Secret

I’ve always found it annoying that it’s so hard to stay mad at my son. Even when he’s being horrible, he’s still adorable. It’s sickening.

I’ve written about the way biology tricks us before – little kids are really just one long con, suckering us with their cuteness only to obliterate our lives when they get older – but there are some perks to the biological bond we have with our children.

Especially when they need some TLC.

Dad and Buried

Tag: entertainment

My Kid Hates Me Already

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Cruel to the KIND

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Horoscopes for Parents

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Attention Whore

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The Ultimate Weight Loss Secret

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