21 Aug

Dad and Buried Posted in SERIOUS! 3 comments

Credit Fraud

Last week, after I laid out why I agree with Target’s new non-gender assignation policy, a handful of people on social media praised me, called me a great dad, and said they wished more people would raise their kids like I’m raising mine.

AWKWARD. I’ve never committed credit fraud, but when I get praise for being a good parent, that’s what it feels like.

I prefer when people call me an asshole and a terrible father. Because, as my regular readers know (thanks, regular readers!), that’s a lot closer to the truth.

The Definition of Insanity

There are a million titles I could have used for this post:

Practice makes perfect.

Glutton for punishment.

Stupid is as stupid does.

Misery loves company.

Once more unto the breach, dear friends.

But for whatever reason, referencing Albert Einstein’s (but maybe not?) famous quote seemed to make the most sense.

18 Aug

Dad and Buried Posted in discipline 2 comments

Empty Parenting Threats

When it comes to getting your kids to do something they don’t want to do, there are basically three tactics you can employ: bribery, threats, and just giving up and doing it for them.

Doing it for them is obviously not the way to go. Detective Munch is lazy enough as it is; if I were to start waiting on him hand and foot (or waiting on him even more, which I guess would make it waiting on him hands and feet? COMEDY GOLD!), he’d probably end up with bed sores.

As most parents already know, bribery is a double-edged sword. It works, but you’re gonna pay for it down the line when the kid refuses to get out of bed without the promise of a new toy or some TV time, and eventually you’re buying him a new car just to get him to go to college.

Which leaves us with threats.

14 Aug

Dad and Buried Posted in Fear 23 comments

Categorically Opposed

Recently, Target announced that they’d be doing away with gender-categorizations in their children’s sections. This made a lot of people happy and a lot of people angry.

I am torn between being baffled by the anger and totally understanding it. Not because I agree with it (most of the angry people seem to think Target has a nefarious agenda, which: CUCKOO!) but because I get where those people are coming from, at least on one level: human beings love labels.

Labels are comforting. Nothing scares us like stuff we don’t understand, and labels help us understand things.

My son is white. He is male. He is an American. He may be straight or gay, he may be religious or not, he may be liberal or conservative. But if I have my way, he’ll be none of those things.

He’ll just be a human being, like everyone else.

Read more about Categorically Opposed …

12 Aug

Dad and Buried Posted in Fear 4 comments

Bummer Camp

Back in the summer of 1986, my older brother and I attended a sleep-away camp. He was twelve and going with a friend. I was only nine, but after going along on a reconnaissance mission earlier that year, I had decided I wanted to attend the camp too.

It was two weeks long, in some far off part of Connecticut (as far off as you can get in a state as small as Connecticut) and for some reason we would be joining the camp in the middle of the summer session.

It was my first time, and for reasons that will quickly become obvious, my last time, at sleep-away camp.

Dad and Buried

Tag: Kids

Credit Fraud

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The Definition of Insanity

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Empty Parenting Threats

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Categorically Opposed

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Bummer Camp

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