05 May

Dad and Buried Posted in holidays 9 comments

Mom Fails

Let’s face it, when it comes to parenting, moms already get all the praise. (Not that I’m complaining.)

Sure, that “praise” often calcifies into “being taken for granted,” which is just about complaint #1 from women everywhere (along with “I want more romance/passion!” and “socks go IN the hamper, not NEAR the hamper!”) but if you think about it, it’s a positive thing! Abilities and skills are only taken for granted once someone comes to rely on them. Kudos, moms everywhere! You’ve raised the bar for yourselves.

Unfortunately, that bar is often just a little too high for your liking. So I’m going to level the playing field with some mom fails!

I’m a Better Parent Than You

I’m a better parent than you.

Sorry. I know this is tough for some of you to hear. Just accept it. It’s easier that way.

I’m a better parent than you and I’ll tell you why.

07 Apr

Dad and Buried Posted in Drinking 6 comments

Stupid Kids are Better

My kid is smart… maybe. It’s still hard to tell; he’s only four years old! Even Mozart was eating Play-Doh when he was four.

Kids are stupid. It’s one of the reasons they’re so annoying and stressful. But it’s also one of the perks.

I’ve said before that I can’t wait for my son to grow up, so I can see who he becomes. But lately I’ve been reconsidering.

I kind of like him dumb. Stupid kids are better!

30 Mar

Dad and Buried Posted in Drinking 2 comments

Over-planned Parenthood

My son’s impending entry into Kindergarten is causing a whole host of problems in my life. (Not the least of which will be his eventual ability to read the channel guide as I try to quickly scroll past the names of his garbage programs.)

It’s still six months away and yet it’s already negatively impacting my life. There are all sorts of schedules, and schedules mean planning, and I don’t like planning. I’m supposed to know what I’m doing six months in advance? I don’t even know what I did two days ago, and that was two days! Ago! (I went on a bar crawl, so what did you expect? I’m surprised I’m awake right now.)

But I’m a parent. Of a soon-to-be kindergartener. Planning has become an unavoidable part of my life. I mean, it’s even part of “planning” an escape.

It’s like I’m being mocked.

06 Mar

Dad and Buried Posted in discipline 16 comments

Parents are Overrated

I’m kind of a big deal. But you already knew that. I mean, I’m regularly featured on Scary Mommy.

Of course, even if I weren’t a world-renowned blogger whose diatribes about how living with children is like being in prison have been translated into multiple languages and who has subsequently been hated-on by people on multiple continents, I’d still be pretty damn important. Because I’m a parent.

And if kids are our most valuable resource, then parents are priceless.

Except we’re not. Because parents are overrated.

Read more about Parents are Overrated …

Dad and Buried

Tag: learning

Mom Fails

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I’m a Better Parent Than You

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Stupid Kids are Better

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Over-planned Parenthood

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Parents are Overrated

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