01 Apr

Dad and Buried Posted in Lists 3 comments

How to Prank Your Kids on April Fools Day

April Fools’ Day is idiotic.

For one thing, most people – in desperate attempts to join in but without the wherewithal or imagination to do something elaborate enough to be deemed an actual prank – just end up lying instead, which isn’t exactly an April 1st phenomenon. After all, you don’t need to prep for that, or wait for the perfect date; all you need to tell a lie is a functioning mouth and low morals!

Besides, actually formalizing and setting aside a day for pranking people defeats the entire purpose; even the least skeptical person on earth cloaks themselves in disbelief on April 1st, preferring to play it safe than be played for a fool.

These days, about the only people you can get away with fooling on April Fools’ Day are little kids. And I happen to have one of those, so let’s get on with it.

30 Mar

Dad and Buried Posted in Drinking 3 comments

Over-planned Parenthood

My son’s impending entry into Kindergarten is causing a whole host of problems in my life. (Not the least of which will be his eventual ability to read the channel guide as I try to quickly scroll past the names of his garbage programs.)

It’s still six months away and yet it’s already negatively impacting my life. There are all sorts of schedules, and schedules mean planning, and I don’t like planning. I’m supposed to know what I’m doing six months in advance? I don’t even know what I did two days ago, and that was two days! Ago! (I went on a bar crawl, so what did you expect? I’m surprised I’m awake right now.)

But I’m a parent. Of a soon-to-be kindergartener. Planning has become an unavoidable part of my life. I mean, it’s even part of “planning” an escape.

It’s like I’m being mocked.

27 Mar

Dad and Buried Posted in Lists 5 comments

How to Talk to Parents

Parents are a pretty sensitive group.

Perhaps because they themselves are the Kings of the Judgers, parents are more attuned to perceived slights than most. No group of people is more “victimized” than parents — and the word “victimized” is in quotes for exactly the reason you think it is.

These days, there’s just not a lot you can get away with saying to or about moms and dads without someone getting offended. You have to use your words very carefully.

You’d probably have better luck suggesting that Hitler had some good ideas than saying just about anything about parenting to a parent.

25 Mar

Dad and Buried Posted in Health One comment

[LINK] My Son, Road House, and Band-Aids

My son has a Band-Aid fetish. (Don’t get weird; he’s four.) The dude loves wearing Band-Aids. For any reason. For no reason. FOR ALL REASONS. (It is weird, just not in that way, pervert.) Here are the top five “reasons” he’ll ask for a Band-Aid: Because Boo-boo! Actual bleeding There’s a chance at some pointRead more about [LINK] My Son, Road House, and Band-Aids[…]

24 Mar

Dad and Buried Posted in Advice 22 comments

The Sad Reality of the Tired Parent

Most of the stuff people tell you about having a baby? Total garbage.

It’s either too much or too little, too intense or too laid back, too judgy or too deadbeat, too scary or not scary enough. And all of it – every single bit – is refracted through each “helpful” person’s own prism, informed by their own experiences and their own specific circumstances, all of which are unique and personal when it comes to even the most generic of tasks, and so esoteric as to be meaningless when it comes to raising children.

But the stuff about losing sleep and being tired? That’s some solid gold truth.

Dad and Buried

Tag: life

How to Prank Your Kids on April Fools Day

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Over-planned Parenthood

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How to Talk to Parents

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[LINK] My Son, Road House, and Band-Aids

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The Sad Reality of the Tired Parent

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