I love my kids, I just hate parenting
Kids are gullible. And stupid. And loud. And annoying. And lazy. And way too energetic…
Sorry, lost my train of thought for a second.
The point is, kids will believe anything. Believe me, I know; I’ve tested this. Extensively. And I will continue to test it, both to keep verifying my findings like a proper scientist and because lying to children is so damn entertaining!
At least for a while…
I’m no stranger to giving passive-aggressive gifts to subtly – or not – display my true feelings.
But my in-laws don’t play.
Thanks to the gift they got for my son, Christmas will be a not-so-silent night this year.
When my son was in preschool, we received an informational packet about how we could get him tested for NYC’s “gifted” programs. We decided not to bother.
Not because we don’t think he’s got potential, but because it just seemed like unnecessary stress for a four-year-old. Besides, if Detective Munch is some kind of supergenius, we’ll find out eventually (and laugh all the way to the bank!)
I’m glad we passed on the testing, because last week I saw an article on PopSugar called “Signs Your Child May Be Gifted” that takes all the guesswork out of determining whether your kid might one day be able to buy you an island*.
It’s an easy joke to make.
When there’s another mass shooting, or Trump leads in the polls, or the wrong movie wins Best Picture (remember Crash?), or Trump is an official nominee, or Trump is the actual President(!), it’s funny — kind of fashionable, even — to announce that you’ve had enough and are moving to Canada, or Amsterdam, or Australia, because the country has finally gone insane.
At what point does the joking stop? At what point do you start seriously considering leaving your home country because you’re scared for your kids?
When you’re a kid, all you want for Christmas, or Hanukkah, or your birthday, are toys. All kinds of toys. Board games, action figures, lightsabers, it barely matters. They’re fun, and they make you happy.
When you’re parent, those same toys become a major source of irritation. They clutter your home, they empty your wallet, they give you a headache…
If you’re lucky.