01 Apr

Dad and Buried Posted in Lists 2 comments

How to Prank Your Kids on April Fools Day

April Fools’ Day is idiotic.

For one thing, most people – in desperate attempts to join in but without the wherewithal or imagination to do something elaborate enough to be deemed an actual prank – just end up lying instead, which isn’t exactly an April 1st phenomenon. After all, you don’t need to prep for that, or wait for the perfect date; all you need to tell a lie is a functioning mouth and low morals!

Besides, actually formalizing and setting aside a day for pranking people defeats the entire purpose; even the least skeptical person on earth cloaks themselves in disbelief on April 1st, preferring to play it safe than be played for a fool.

These days, about the only people you can get away with fooling on April Fools’ Day are little kids. And I happen to have one of those, so let’s get on with it.

27 Mar

Dad and Buried Posted in Lists 5 comments

How to Talk to Parents

Parents are a pretty sensitive group.

Perhaps because they themselves are the Kings of the Judgers, parents are more attuned to perceived slights than most. No group of people is more “victimized” than parents — and the word “victimized” is in quotes for exactly the reason you think it is.

These days, there’s just not a lot you can get away with saying to or about moms and dads without someone getting offended. You have to use your words very carefully.

You’d probably have better luck suggesting that Hitler had some good ideas than saying just about anything about parenting to a parent.

20 Mar

Dad and Buried Posted in Lists One comment

16 Ways Parenting is Like March Madness

Parenting has a lot in common with sports. Raising a child requires the energy and stamina of an athlete, the vigilance of a referee, the devotion of a die-hard fan and the patience of a coach.

Being a parent is basically like competing in a daily, year-long, rest-of-your-life tournament in which your endurance and your wits are constantly being tested, usually by someone much smaller who has to constantly be told what to do while even though they’re a lot more important than you.

Coincidentally, except for the fact that your kids go to college after you’ve (mostly) finished, instead of not really going to college at all (because the NCAA is corrupt!), parenting is a lot like March Madness.

Let’s count the ways…

02 Mar

Dad and Buried Posted in Fear 30 comments

I Won’t Let My Son Join the Military

First things first: I support the troops; I love America and Ford and apple pie and Credence Clearwater Revival; I pledge allegiance to the flag and take my hat off during the national anthem; I hate terrorism and ISIS and think they must be stopped, somehow.

Just not by my son. I don’t want him near a military recruiting office. Not in a million years.

I won’t let my son join the military.

24 Feb

Dad and Buried Posted in SERIOUS! 20 comments

Am I a Good Parent?

Last week, I wrote a piece about many ways parents constantly second-guess themselves. I surely missed a lot of examples, which was inevitable; every parent has different anxieties, and every parent questions themselves in different ways.

But no matter the specific details of your insecurities, it all boils down to asking yourself the same thing: Am I a good parent?

I’m not.

Dad and Buried

Tag: society

How to Prank Your Kids on April Fools Day

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16 Ways Parenting is Like March Madness

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