The Neverending Story

The Neverending Story

“Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!”

That famous quote is from The Godfather: Part III, and is a reference Michael Corleone finding it impossible to escape the mob life and go legit, but it also easily applies to my life as a parent (except for the number three part, because there ain’t no way I’m having a third!).

When you have kids, you’re always grasping for the light at the end of the tunnel, even while the tunnel keeps stretching further and further into the distance.

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In Praise of Screen Time

In Praise of Screen Time

As delightful as parenting can be (stay with me here), as rewarding a journey, as enjoyable an experience, there are downsides.

Shocking, I know. Who’d have thought that dedicating the lion’s share of your life to preparing other, dumber, younger people to live their own lives would occasionally be a drag? Well, I hate to break it to you, but it is. Not all the time, but a fair amount of the time. Maybe even more than it isn’t. Of course, the peaks always outperform the valleys, and even if there are fewer of them, they still matter more and linger longer.

The key is surviving the valleys. And that’s not always easy. But you know what? It’s easier now than ever before! Because technology.

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Come On, Admit Your Kid Sucks

Come On, Admit Your Kid Sucks

I’m not one to mince words or make excuses. I never have been, and that didn’t change when I became a parent.

This is why I often find it irritating to hear all the ways other parents try to avoid blaming their kids for bad behavior. This is aside from the fact that most other parents, and other parents’ children, are irritating to begin with! (No offense. I barely like myself as a parent. Parenting’s not really a good look on anyone.)

Just go ahead and admit your kid sucks sometimes.

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Honesty Is The Best Policy (For Women)

Honesty Is The Best Policy (For Women)

*HUSBAND SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT*

When your wife asks you how she looks, you must do the following:

1. Look her over

2. Look her over for a reasonable enough amount of time that your answer is credible

3. Don’t look her over for so long as to imply untoward scrutiny or the existence of flaws heretofore unseen and/or altogether nonexistent

4. Tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth

5. But don’t say anything except “You look great!”

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I Have A Favorite Kid And So Do You

I Have A Favorite Kid And So Do You

I have a favorite kid.

So do you, whether you admit it or not.

Don’t worry, we don’t judge around here. So you have a favorite child, big whoop! We all do! It’s okay. In fact, like Robin Williams told Matt Damon, it’s not your fault. It’s your kids’ fault.

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