08 Jun

Dad and Buried Posted in Future 8 comments

Coal Miner’s Father

It’s a fool’s errand to try to predict your kid’s future when he’s still in kindergarten, but that doesn’t stop parents from losing their minds over particular talents they spot in their children.

Detective Munch is not even six. Neither he nor I has any idea what he’s going to be into down the line, but so far his favorite subject at school seems to be science, and, besides being a pain in the ass, his greatest talent seems to be in getting dirty.

Luckily, I may have found a job for him that combines both of those things!

Read more about Coal Miner’s Father …

03 Jun

Dad and Buried Posted in Babies 277 comments

Terrible Thoughts Only Parents Have

Parents aren’t special. Having children doesn’t make you a hero. To paraphrase Furious Styles, any fool can make a baby, it takes a real parent to raise kids.

It also takes a real parent to think horrifying thoughts about their kids. And if that’s the primary criterion by which parenting is measured, I’m pretty sure I’m the world’s greatest dad. Because I’m a horrible person!

For proof, witness this list of terrible thoughts only parents have, and that it’s possible only this parent has, because I’m deranged. But that’s why you love me!

27 May

Dad and Buried Posted in SERIOUS! 14 comments

Parents Are Boring

Parents are boring.

At least the ones who care about nothing except being a parent are. I care about my kids, but they’re not all I care about.

Nor should they be.

Hardest Working Dad Giveaway

Do you remember back in March, I ran a very factual post about how I am the hardest working dad in the world?

Well, champion and leader and role model that I am, I wanted to give some other people out there a chance to experience some of the perks of my greatness. That’s why today, just in time for Father’s Day, I’m giving away Old Spice’s “Hardest Working Father” Prize Pack to give you, or the dad in your life, a taste of what it’s like to #smellengendary!

20 May

Dad and Buried Posted in Drinking 14 comments

The Parenting Shrug

I once wrote a post entitled “The Secret to Happy Parenting“, in which I suggested that you’ll be happier if you stopped caring what other people think of your parenting. (From that post: “I’m not suggesting you stop caring about your kid. I’m saying you need to stop caring about everyone else but your kid.”)

It sounds good. Being able to inoculate yourself against all the haters is definitely a great way to improve your peace of mind. The problem is your kids are still around! And as annoying and stressful as judgmental people can be, no one is as annoying and stressful as your kids themselves.

I was wrong. The secret to happy parenting isn’t to stop caring about everyone and everything else but your kids, the secret is to stop caring about your kids at all.

The secret to happy parenting is “The Parenting Shrug.”

Dad and Buried

Tag: stress

Coal Miner’s Father

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Terrible Thoughts Only Parents Have

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