17 Apr

Dad and Buried Posted in Advice 4 comments

The Guide to Hungover Parenting

Last night, we had our neighbors over for a few drinks. Somewhere between my third and fourth beer, I forgot that I have a kid and a job and am thirty-eight, so I had three or four more beers. Now I want to die.

Thankfully, today is Friday, so I’m at work instead of sitting at home trying to occupy a four-year-old who wants me to pretend to be a firetruck-slash-dinosaur and get on my knees and chase him around the house all while holding my head and trying not to throw up.

Hungover parenting is not a lot of fun.

14 Apr

Dad and Buried Posted in Other Parents 10 comments

I’m a Better Parent Than You

I’m a better parent than you.

Sorry. I know this is tough for some of you to hear. Just accept it. It’s easier that way.

I’m a better parent than you and I’ll tell you why.

08 Apr

Dad and Buried Posted in ECard No comments

[E-card] Creature Report

07 Apr

Dad and Buried Posted in Drinking 6 comments

Stupid Kids are Better

My kid is smart… maybe. It’s still hard to tell; he’s only four years old! Even Mozart was eating Play-Doh when he was four.

Kids are stupid. It’s one of the reasons they’re so annoying and stressful. But it’s also one of the perks.

I’ve said before that I can’t wait for my son to grow up, so I can see who he becomes. But lately I’ve been reconsidering.

I kind of like him dumb. Stupid kids are better!

01 Apr

Dad and Buried Posted in Lists 2 comments

How to Prank Your Kids on April Fools Day

April Fools’ Day is idiotic.

For one thing, most people – in desperate attempts to join in but without the wherewithal or imagination to do something elaborate enough to be deemed an actual prank – just end up lying instead, which isn’t exactly an April 1st phenomenon. After all, you don’t need to prep for that, or wait for the perfect date; all you need to tell a lie is a functioning mouth and low morals!

Besides, actually formalizing and setting aside a day for pranking people defeats the entire purpose; even the least skeptical person on earth cloaks themselves in disbelief on April 1st, preferring to play it safe than be played for a fool.

These days, about the only people you can get away with fooling on April Fools’ Day are little kids. And I happen to have one of those, so let’s get on with it.

Dad and Buried

Tag: toddlers

The Guide to Hungover Parenting

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I’m a Better Parent Than You

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[E-card] Creature Report

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Stupid Kids are Better

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How to Prank Your Kids on April Fools Day

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